The Comic Strip presents...

Five go mad in Dorset

"Blah blah blah, stolen plans, blah blah blah, missing scientists. Blah blah blah, Kidnap boy. Blah blah blah, everything ties up. Blah blah Submarine. Blah blah leave it out!"

Not forgetting "ham and turkey sandwiches, bags of lettuce, hard-boiled eggs, heaps of tomato, and lashings of ginger beer!"

Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons

This is the future, our future:

With the curtains drawn, french windows open and the low hum of a lawnmower cutting through the spring calm, I was transported every Saturday morning to my future, our future.

The year is 2068… A team of Zero-X astronauts are investigating the surface of Mars after unidentified radio signals emanating from the planet are detected on Earth. The source is discovered to be an extraterrestrial base, which is attacked and destroyed when the explorers mistake a harmless sensor device for a weapon. The inhabitants of the settlement, the Mysterons, are sentient computers that form a collective consciousness. They are the remnants of the original Mysteron race, extraterrestrial life forms that originated in a galaxy other than the Milky Way and maintained their colony on Mars for 3,500 years before understandably abandoning the planet at the turn of the 20th century. Possessing a rather handy partial control over matter, the Mysteron computers draw on their power of "reversing matter" to rebuild the complex before vowing revenge for the unwarranted aggression.

Reversing matter, also described as "retro-metabolism", allows the Mysterons to re-create the likeness of a person or object in the form of a facsimile that is under their control. This ability is used to conduct a "war of nerves" against Earth, in which the Mysterons issue threats against specific targets (from world leaders and military installations to whole cities and continents) and then destroy and reconstruct whatever instruments are required (whether human or machine) to execute their plans. The presence of the Mysterons is indicated by two circles of green light (the "Mysteron rings") that trail across scenes of destruction and reconstruction. Although the Mysterons are able to manipulate events from Mars, their actions on Earth are usually performed by their replicated intermediaries.

The leading Mysteron agent is of course Zero-X mission leader Captain Black. He is killed and reconstructed during the incident on Mars. Previously, Black had held the rank of senior officer in Spectrum, an international security organisation inaugurated in 2067 that mobilises all its personnel, vehicles and other resources in response to the Mysteron threat. Spectrum is led from Cloudbase, an airborne headquarters positioned at a height of 40,000 feet above the Earth's surface, and has outposts in all major cities. The organisation employs operatives of many nationalities, of whom the most senior hold military ranks and colour-based codenames, are stationed on Cloudbase, and answer directly to the commander-in-chief of Spectrum, Colonel White. Cloudbase is defended by the Angels, an interceptor aircraft squadron, and the organisation boasts a fleet of Spectrum Pursuit Vehicles (SPV) hidden in secret locations across the world.

Captain Scarlet becomes Spectrum's foremost weapon in its fight against the Mysterons after the battle on Mars, in which the Mysterons threaten to assassinate the World President as their first act of retaliation. The original Scarlet is killed in a car accident engineered by the Mysterons and replaced with a Mysteron reconstruction. However, when the Scarlet duplicate is shot by Spectrum officer Captain Blue and falls to his death from a tall structure, it returns to life with the consciousness of its human template restored, and is thereafter free from Mysteron control. Scarlet's ex-Mysteron body possesses two remarkable abilities: he is able to sense the presence of other Mysteron duplicates in his vicinity, and if he is injured or killed, retro-metabolism restores him to a state of top health. Now able to deploy suicidally reckless tactics to thwart Mysteron threats, Scarlet repeatedly braves the pain of death in the knowledge that he will recover to face the Mysterons once more. (As an aside it should be noted that the existential horror of perpetual life was never explored in too much detail…)

While Scarlet and Spectrum defend Earth against the threat from Mars, it is found that Mysteron reconstructions are particularly vulnerable to electricity and that they are detectable on X-rays, to which their biology is impervious. Consequently, two anti-Mysteron devices, the "Mysteron Gun" and the "Mysteron Detector," are developed to aid Spectrum. A three-episode story arc charts the uncovering of a second Mysteron complex under construction on the Moon, its destruction by Spectrum, and efforts to negotiate with the Mysterons on Mars via a crystal power source, salvaged from the complex, which is converted into an interplanetary communication device. A failed attempt at satellite surveillance of the Martian surface, aborted military conferences and the sabotaged construction of a new space fleet hinder Spectrum's plans to return to Mars, and the organisation is unsuccessful on two occasions in apprehending Captain Black. The penultimate episode of the series depicts a Mysteron assault on Cloudbase with the use of armed spacecraft, which is ultimately revealed to be a nightmare dreamt by one of the Angel pilots. The finale is a flashback episode that ends inconclusively with regards to the war between Earth and Mars and the fate of Spectrum and the Mysterons.

The real names of the Spectrum officers who gave their all to protect us from the Mysteron threat…

Codename, Real name, Nationality
Captain Scarlet, Paul Metcalfe, British
Captain Blue, Adam Svenson, American
Colonel White, Charles Gray, British
Captain Black, Conrad Turner, British
Lieutenant Green,Seymour Griffiths, Trinidadian
Captain Ochre, Richard Fraser, American
Captain Magenta, Patrick Donaghue, Irish
Captain Grey, Bradley Holden, American
Doctor Fawn, Edward Wilkie, Australian
Destiny Angel, Juliette Pontoin, French
Symphony Angel, Karen Wainwright, American
Rhapsody Angel, Dianne Simms, British
Melody Angel, Magnolia Jones, American
Harmony Angel, Chan Kwan, Japanese

UFO

Sunday lunchtime, before Batman & The Big Match (or heaven help us the dreadful Southern Soccer - more of which anon), in the afterglow of cold meat and Bubble & Squeak (anon 2), one programme stood out - UFO.

UFO was a signpost to the future. In the far off 1980's we wopuld all be driving round in cars with doors that either flipped up at the side or even better still flipped up at the front. We would be wearing all-in-one cream or indeed fawn jumpsuits. Women would have purple bobs and look incredibly gorgeous and we would also have a moonbase, interceptors, mobiles and perhaps most importantly (although I think the sartorial images ran it blooming close), we would be being invaded by Aliens from outerspace.

Funnily enough the alien race is never given a proper name, either by themselves or by human beings; they are simply referred to as "the aliens". Humanoid in appearance, the autopsy of the first alien captured reveals that they are harvesting organs from the bodies of abducted humans (nice). Their faces are stained by the hue of a green oxygenated liquid, which is believed to cushion their lungs against the extreme acceleration of interstellar flight; this liquid is contained in their helmets. To protect their eyes the aliens wear opaque sclera contact lenses with small pinholes for vision. The alien spacesuits were made of red Lycra and if truth be told, gave them a slightly less frightening demeanour.

To defend Earth against the aliens, a secret organisation called SHADO (Supreme Headquarters Alien Defence Organisation) is established. Operating behind the cover of the Harlington-Straker Studios movie studio in England, SHADO is headed by Commander Ed Straker (played by Ed Bishop), he was a former United States Air Force Colonel and astronaut who poses as the studio's chief executive. As an aside one rather dubious element of Straker's character was that he refused to drink alcohol even though he has a fully stocked bar in his SHADO office.

UFO had a large cast, and many of its members would come and go during the course of the series, with a number of actors — most notably George Sewell and Gabrielle Drake — leaving the series during the production break that occurred when the series had to change studios midway through production. It was established early on that SHADO personnel rotate between positions, so the occasional disappearance of characters — some of whom would later return in other positions — fits in with the concept of the series. Also, due to the scheduling of the series, which did not reflect the production order, some episodes featuring departed cast members were not actually aired until late in the series, giving the impression that no major cast changes occurred. Among the major actors, only Ed Bishop appeared in all episodes. The other major recurring characters apart from Straker in the series were:

Colonel Paul Foster (portrayed by Michael Billington) was a former test pilot whose plane was critically damaged when SHADO's Sky One intercepted and destroyed a UFO in close proximity to Foster's jet. His subsequent persistent investigation of the incident threatened to expose SHADO's existence and Straker considered having him killed, but instead was impressed enough with Foster to offer him a position with SHADO. Foster appears to be somewhat of a protégé of Straker's, as he was shown in a number of major positions. He was Moonbase Commander for a time (substituting for Lt. Ellis), assigned to Skydiver for several months, and also receives a position of authority at SHADO HQ. He masquerades as one of Straker's film producers in the studio and enjoyed a brief relationship with Col. Virginia Lake. Foster had the unique distinction of having once befriended one of the aliens, though he could not prevent him from being killed by SHADO personnel; his overall demeanour became noticeably more cynical after this event, a trait that rubbed off fairly quickly on those watching.

Lt. Gay Ellis (Gabrielle Drake) was most often seen as Moonbase Commander during the first half of the series, Lt. Ellis was occasionally portrayed as lacking self-confidence, and at other times as a take-charge officer. She was briefly reassigned to SHADO HQ when it was suggested that she may be romantically involved with Interceptor pilot Mark Bradley ("Computer Affair"). She also appeared to be attracted to Ed Straker, though nothing comes of it.

The thing however that Gabrielle Drake is perhaps most famous for is being the sister of Nick Drake and the mild state of confusion this engendered in me when first seeing a picture of the supremely gifted but pitifully shy guitarist took a while to resolve itself...

Col. Alec Freeman (George Sewell) SHADO's first officer until about the three-quarter point in the series (when Sewell left following the change of studios). A lady's man in his early 40s, Freeman was Straker's right hand man and, occasionally, his muscle. Everybody's pal at SHADO, Freeman takes a sardonic attitude towards some of the things Straker and SHADO must do to survive, and once submitted his resignation in protest over a decision ("Computer Affair"). Straker's closest friend and best man at his wedding, Freeman was the very first operative recruited into SHADO by Straker (as seen in "Confetti Check A-OK").

Footnote
I was convinced that I would one day end up driving Paul Fosters car, fighting The Aliens, working for Shado and most importantly that I would spend every waking hour of the day snogging Lt Gay Ellis, hence my confusion.. Sadly none of those things came to pass, although I was driving home at dusk last night and I saw a bright light in the sky, perhaps...

Soccer AM & Soccer Saturday

When the blues were away, it was raining outside and there was nothing else to do. Tim Lovejoy, Helen Chamberlain & Jeff Stelling ruled supreme on Saturdays.