Return of the Magpie…

Following on from my previous ADHD related article Ooh look! There’s a Magpie and the generous feedback I received, I thought I’d explore more Filter Off writing with the intention to demonstrate the persistent nature of this gentle hysteria... 

FILTER OFF. I am so tired, crushingly tired. Fucking alarms going off all around the office. Shut the buggery up. Why are all these people shouting and talking such utter bollocks. It is doing my head in. The person next to me SHOUTS all the time. FILTER ON. I’m tired today, the office can be a slight struggle sometimes. FILTER OFF. I am drifting through the day. I should – STOP SHOUTING – really get on with work. Had to pause for a minute to keep my mood placid. 15 people in the same space all scrabbling for attention. We’ll all be out of work soon, unless we change things quickly. Should I go out and get some more Sushi. Or toast or both. Or go on a diet. Need to learn to type quicker to even hang on to the coat tails of my rapidly dissolving thoughts…. Crap mixed metaphor. 

 

Managed to go 4 seconds without accelerating downhill again. FILTER ON. And breathe. FILTER OFF. I wonder if this is a heart attack or a panic attack or an anxiety event or simply just another day in a shouty (Shouty McShoutyface) office. Sunak is up against it but he’ll weasel his way out. The Covid enquiry could be so much more. Do you remember watching the Buzzcocks on top of the pops? I loved their Mondrian style shirts. It is one L and two P’s. It is quite fascinating to observe these thoughts spinning off into the darkness of my imagination. Like Catherine Wheels loosely nailed to the garden fence, spinning off into the compost heap. I liked Langney Green, hopping over the wall to cut off the crucial 8 yards. [Stopped to check my WhatsApp, Instagram and FB accounts – Only one person liked my Harry Crosby tribute]. One of my favourite jokes is as follows. “The Leader of The Pedants’ Revolt – Which Tyler!” Now, don’t make me explain it… I remember hanging out of a window - I am Mersault, all Gitanes and Calvados FILTER ON. Mersault is the lead character in Camus' The Outsider.

 

I’ve given myself permission to ‘think quieter’ for the next 10 minutes. Might go for a walk around the block. FILTER OFF. Well, that didn’t happen. Instead, I explored the ‘Sound is Colour’ website and nearly bought two sweatshirts and a T-shirt! Also discovered that Nick Cave is doing a solo gig in the State Theatre Sydney, must must must get tickets for that… Ooh look! There’s a Magpie!!

 

There is a picture of a bug-eyed marsupial (A Northern Quoll apparently) staring down from above…. It is hot in Sydney today. Sweaty, a fuck I’m hot but prefer it to cold sort of day. Been thinking about the outfits that the mini drivers in The Italian Job wore (inspired by a picture of The Prisoners in similar outfits for their recent Roundhouse warm up gig in Herne Bay). I’ve just realised I have barely spoken at all since being in the office. FILTER ON. Just had 15-minute work conversation – professional/focussed. FILTER OFF. I can’t work out whether to play my Telecaster or Rickenbacker when overdubbing new songs at studio on Friday. World Peace… that ain’t ever happening. Next year is the Year of the Dragon or so the Chinese printers tell me. San Pellegrino bottle collection growing on my desk. I despise Boris Johnson more than anyone I can recall. How did people fall for this arrogant little twerp? Chelsea are doing very badly indeed. Not much longer for Pochettino… God I need to lose weight. FILTER ON. I’ll stop this here and now as it is rather exhausting, and I can see the look on your sad and tired faces… 

Ooh look! There’s a Magpie!!!

Oooh, Look! There’s a Magpie

I’d like to think that I have often been ahead of the curve when it comes to many things, clothes, music, books, films & assorted general trends. However, it turns out I’ve been seriously lagging.  

It transpires that I have been diagnosed with Adult ADHD, much, much later than all the trendy kids… Whilst it accounts for my rather exhausting daily mental gymnastics, it is quite a blessing at being diagnosed as one of the 5.4% of males with the condition, or is it? Or am I? 

Ooh look there’s a Magpie…

To give you an example of what happens in my head. FILTER OFF - I am going to write things in a complete straight line and not edit all the other conversations that pop into my – do you remember On the Buses with Reg Varney or was it Jamie Vardy. Imagine Reg Varney upfront for the Filberts or foxes (Urban foxes are well cool – can’t remember the name of the TV naturalist who likes foxes and has just been diagnosed with Asperger’s, he wears nice knitted t-shirts and likes Punk – Packham that’s his name. Chris Packham. A big fan of Penetration (Lead singer Pauline Murray)).

 

FILTER BACK ON - Ok. I’ll take a break there and press on with my journalistic filter switched well and truly on. I am going to explain just how ADHD manifests in my world. It should be noted, without a hint of irony that I thought about starting this article when I was diagnosed in June 2022.

 

Anyway, I often find myself, drifting off at tangents especially when the subject matter doesn’t interest or when I know what people are going to say before they’ve actually said it. That is often the situation I dislike the most as my behaviour can seem rather rude or dismissive. Yes, yes get on with it etc.

 

FILTER OFF - I’m trying to write this piece and the editor to my right is speaking loudly over her shoulder to no-one in particular. The computer beeps sound like a Kraftwerk outtake and I really must let the radio show know I’m going to be away for two week. Chelsea’s result against City was encouraging. I wish I could type quicker to keep up with my… The Peppermint Liquorice are quite a good band. I’m really looking forward to seeing A Certain Ratio in Reading on Thursday. God, my scalp is itchy, do I think I’ve got COVID (is that a sign). Itchy eyebrows. FILTER BACK ON…

 It is very strange when I can tell exactly how a conversation will proceed. The urge to tell people to cut to the chase can be almost overwhelming. But hopefully, I have established a wide enough array of coping mechanisms to help me in most situations. 

 

Anyway, the purpose for me sharing this information is twofold: 

One - I’ve been looking back at a number of previous posts and I can’t help but wonder what on earth people make of my meanderings. Perhaps this revelation might help.

Two - The fact that my particular lens is tinted by this diagnosis should equally not detract from the point(s) I'm trying to make. 

By the way, the Magpie is still looking in through the window. And having ADHD is like having a meteor storm whizzing across my mind's sky...