Day in the life of a Poet (August 2020)

Curzon 2

- The review said

it was a film

about why love fails.

-- I don’t think 
I’ve got the

time to spare. But

I like the actors.

--- And it is set in Seaford

so I would love the setting.

A long Sunday walk 

on the shingle.

-- with lots of silent pauses

and looking out to sea.

Very me

very you.

Film 2020 - #2

The Ipcress File

"Very neat. Must we sit through any more of this torture? I've got a lot of things to do."

Film 2020 - #1

Sexy Beast

“What a shithole. What a toilet. Every cunt with a long face shuffling about, moaning, all worried. No thanks, not for me.”

Afternoon Films #3 - The Italian Job

Charlie Croker is released from prison. He meets up with the widow of his friend and fellow thief Roger Beckermann, who has been killed by the Mafia while driving a Lamborghini Miura in the Italian Alps. Mrs Beckermann gives Croker her husband's plans for the robbery that attracted the hostile attention of his killers, which detail a way to steal $4 million in gold in the city of Turin and escape to Switzerland.

Croker breaks back into his former prison to convince the powerful crime lord Mr. Bridger to finance the plan. Bridger, who has bribed almost all of the prison guards to work for him, initially rejects the plan, but changes his mind after he learns that Fiat is set to build a new factory in China.

With Bridger's backing, Croker recruits computer expert Professor Peach and a team of thieves and drivers. The plan calls for Peach to replace the programme in the computer that controls Turin's traffic control system, creating a paralysing traffic jam that will allow the thieves to escape with the gold in three Mini Cooper S getaway cars.

After planning and training, Croker, his girlfriend Lorna, and the heist crew set out for Turin. Mafia boss Altabani and his underlings are waiting in the Alps at the same pass where they killed Beckermann. Altabani warns Croker that the Mafia are aware of the gang's intentions and smashes their Jaguar E-Type cars, sending Croker's personal Aston Martin DB4 drophead off a cliff. Just as Altabani is about to give the order to shoot the gang, Croker tells him that Mr. Bridger will avenge their deaths by driving Italian merchants in selected British cities out of business. Not wanting to risk suffering on any fellow Italians, Altabani lets them go, ordering them to return to England and believing that it is too big a job for Croker to undertake. Instead, he proceeds with the plan, replacing the traffic control system's magnetic tape data storage reels. 

On the day of the robbery, Croker sends gang member Birkinshaw, disguised as a football fan, to jam the closed circuit television cameras that monitor traffic. The substitute data reel then causes widespread traffic chaos. The gang converge on the gold convoy, overpower the guards, and tow the armoured car into the entrance hall of the Museo Egizio. There, the gang transfer the gold to the Minis.

Altabani recognises that "If they planned this jam, they must have planned a way out." Pursued by the Turin police, the three Minis race through the shopping arcades of the city, speed down stairs, jump between rooftops, and finally escape the traffic jams by a pre-planned route across a weir. The getaway is timed perfectly, and they throw off the police by driving through a large sewer pipe. As Mr. Bridger receives the cheers and adulation of his fellow prison inmates, the gang drive the Minis into the back of a moving customised coach. They then unload the gold and dispose of the Minis by pushing them off the mountainside.

The rest of the gang, having sneaked out of the city in a minibus while disguised as football supporters, rendezvous with the coach in the Alps. On the looping mountain roads, driver "Big" William loses control of the coach. The back of the bus is left teetering over a cliff and the gold slides towards the rear doors. As Croker attempts to reach the gold, it slips further. The film finishes on a literal cliffhanger with Croker announcing: "Hang on a minute lads, I've got a great idea".

Legend has it that The Italian Job II was due to commence with Charlie and the gang planning to steel back the gold from the mafia - the gang having leapt to safety with the coach having fallen down the mountain, where the mafia had reclaimed the gold. 

• Michael Caine as Charlie Croker
• Noël Coward as Mr. Bridger
• Benny Hill as Professor Simon Peach
• Raf Vallone as Altabani
• Tony Beckley as Camp Freddie
• Rossano Brazzi as Roger Beckermann
• Maggie Blye as Lorna
• Irene Handl as Miss Peach
• John Le Mesurier as the Prison Governor
• Fred Emney as Birkinshaw

Poll Results - Who would have made the best James Bond?

No contest!

1. Roy Kinnear - 100%
2. Bob Latchford - 0%
2. Steve Peregrine-Took - 0%
2. Ivor Cutler - 0%

Going to see James Bond "at the pictures"

Skyfall hasn't quite made it over here to Australia (but then neither has Marmite, broad racial tolerance & an abundance of good dress sense but hey-ho!).

However, I'm going to see the film on Saturday and it reminds me of the anticipation I had back in the day before heading off to see a double-header of Thunderball & Doctor No at the Classic Cinema along Seaside.

The whole Bond experience from the false beginning, exotic theme scene through to the very last frame which announced...

James Bond will be returning in On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The whole thing was magical and as for the time when James Bond assumed the pseudonym Peter Franks (my fathers and my middle name) the whole picture was complete. It was inevitable, one day I would become Agent 007.

And the great thing is, I still believe it is only a matter of time!

Afternoon Films #2 - Where Eagles Dare

'Get him!'

It is World War II, in the winter of 1943-44; U.S. Army Brigadier General George Carnaby, one of the chief planners of D-Day, is captured by the Germans when his aircraft is shot down en-route to Crete. He is taken to the Schloß Adler (The Castle of the Eagles – hence the title), a fortress high in the Alps that is headquarters of the German Secret Service in southern Bavaria. A team of mainly British commandos is assembled and briefed by Colonel Wyatt Turner and Admiral Rolland (Michael Hordern AKA Paddington Bear)of MI6, and led by Major John Smith (Richard Burton) and US Army Ranger Lieutenant Morris Schaffer (Clint Eastwood). Their mission is to parachute in, infiltrate the Schloß Adler, and rescue General Carnaby before the Germans can interrogate him. Agent Mary Elison, an MI6 operative, accompanies the mission in secret, her presence known only to Major Smith.

As the mission begins, two members are mysteriously killed, but Major Smith is unperturbed and keeps Lt. Schaffer as a close ally. Contriving to get the party captured, Smith and Schaffer, being officers, are separated from Thomas, Christiansen, and Berkeley, the only three remaining NCOs. Smith and Schaffer kill their captors and blow up a supply depot before hitching a ride on a cable car — the only approach to the castle. Mary, posing as a new maid, had been brought into the castle by Heidi, an MI6 agent disguised as a barmaid in the nearby village, and Major Von Hapen, a Gestapo officer and Heidi's acquaintance, who becomes infatuated with her. Mary allows Schaffer and Smith to climb in through a window overlooking the castle's station.

Carnaby's interrogation is underway, carried out by Gen. Rosemeyer and Col. Kramer, when Thomas and the others arrive and reveal themselves to be German double agents. Smith and Schaffer intrude, but Smith betrays and disarms Schaffer, and establishes himself as "Major Johann Schmidt" of SS Military Intelligence. He exposes the identity of Carnaby — that of a U.S. Army Corporal named Cartwright Jones, posing as the real general — and also explains that Thomas and the rest are British impostors. To test them, Smith proposes they write the names of their fellow conspirators to be compared to the personal list in his pocket, and divulges the name of Germany's top agent in Britain secretly to Kramer, who silently affirms it. After the three finish their lists, Smith reveals his list to Kramer, which appears to be blank. To the room's surprise, Smith admits the rescue operation was a cover for the real mission — to discover the identities of German spies in Britain.

Meanwhile, Mary, preparing the explosives, meets von Hapen again; he takes her to the castle's cafe, and subtly forces her to recite the tale of her assumed identity. He finds faults in her story, prompting him to investigate; he happens upon the meeting just as Smith finishes his explanation, and becomes hostile. Mary's entrance distracts von Hapen enough for Schaffer to kill him and the other German officers, after which the remaining group escape. Thomas, Berkeley and Christiansen are taken prisoner. Schaffer sets explosives to create diversions around the compound and Smith leads the group to the radio room, where he informs Rolland of their success. This scene includes the by now immortal code words "Broadsword calling Danny Boy", which Burton hams up to ludicrous levels.

They then battle their way to the cable car station; Thomas is sacrificed as a decoy, and Berkeley and Christiansen attempt their own escape, but Smith climbs atop the cable car they steal and destroys it with an explosive. Smith makes it back on a returning cable car and rides back down with the others, but the group abandons it mid-descent to reunite with Heidi and board a bus, prepared earlier as their escape vehicle. They drive hard to an airfield with soldiers in hot pursuit, and barely make it onto a disguised extraction plane, where Colonel Turner is waiting for them.

Smith briefs Turner on the mission and confirms a suspicion that he and Rolland had shared since before the start — namely that Turner himself is the top Nazi agent in Britain, whose name the late Kramer had agreed to before; Turner had been lured into participating so MI6 could expose him, with Mary (Smith's trusted partner) and Schaffer (an American with no connection to MI6) specially assigned to the team to ensure the mission's success. Deciding to save face, Turner commits suicide by jumping out of the plane.

All in all a cracking romp and one that survives repeat viewings, even now. Burton looks every inch a hard bitten lover of the sauce and Clint, well Clint looks like Clint, perfecting his minimalist approach to dialogue which came in hand for his role as Harry Callahan in the Dirty harry movies (more of which another day). Plenty of Nazis being blown to kingdom come and of course the brilliant cable car scene.

Cast
Richard Burton as Smith
Clint Eastwood as Schaffer
Mary Ure as Mary
Patrick Wymark as Turner
Michael Hordern as Rolland
Donald Houston as Christiansen
Peter Barkworth as Berkeley
William Squire as Thomas
Robert Beatty as Carnaby
Brook Williams as Harrod
Neil McCarthy as MacPherson
Vincent Ball as Carpenter
Anton Diffring as Kramer
Ferdy Mayne as Rosemeyer
Derren Nesbitt as Von Hapen
Victor Beaumont as Weissner
Ingrid Pitt as Heidi

Afternoon Films #1 - The Heroes of Telemark

In the days before football & cricket completely took over my life. I used to love watching the afternoon film. With cold rain crashing down outside and a warm fire inside, I'd lie on the floor and just disappear into the screen.

In 'The Heroes of Telemark', the Norwegian resistance sabotage the Vemork Norsk Hydro plant in the town of Rjukan in the county of Telemark, Norway, which the Nazis are using to produce heavy water to make a nuclear bomb.

Kirk Douglas plays Rolf Pedersen, a Norwegian physics professor, who, though originally content to wait out the war, is soon pulled into the struggle by local resistance leader Knut Straud (based on Knut Haukelid, portrayed by Richard Harris).

They are both smuggled to England to have microfilmed plans of the Hydro examined, and then return to Norway to plan a commando raid on the Hydro. When a force of Royal Engineers, who were to carry it out, are all killed, Petersen and Straud lead a small force of saboteurs into the plant. The raid is successful, but them cursed Germans quickly repair the equipment!

The Nazis then plan to ship tankers of heavy water to Germany. Petersen and Straud sabotage a ferry carrying the tankers, and it sinks in the deepest part of a fjord - Hurrah!

The skiing clips are the thing I remember most. I don't hink I'd ever seen it on film before and despite the fact they didn't use the formal Telemark style (as I subsequently found out when I travelled to Norway and actually learnt how to ski!) it still looked effortlessly cool to me.

The Goose Steps Out

Set during World War II, The Goose Steps Out recounts the adventures of William Potts (Will Hay) after it is discovered that he is an exact double of a German spy who the British have just captured. Potts is flown into Nazi Germany to impersonate the spy and instructed to seek out and bring back details of a new German secret weapon.

On arrival, however, Potts is placed in charge of a group of apparently rabidly-fascist young students who are being trained to work as spies in England. Potts attempts to undermine this by convincing the youngsters that the proper British way of saluting a great leader is to apply the V-sign, which they therefore do repeatedly and enthusiastically in the direction of a portrait of the Führer. At a function where he hopes to gather information about the weapon (a gasfire bomb), Potts succeeds only in getting blind drunk and admitting that he is a British agent. Luckily, his class of Nazi youths turn out to be sympathetic Austrians and they help him obtain the secret he seeks. Potts and his new friends eventually commandeer a plane and fly back to England, crashing in a tree outside the War Office in London.

Passport to Pimlico

Blimey, I'm a foreigner.

A bomb left over from the Second World War blows up in Miramont Gardens in the Pimlico district of London after some local children roll a tractor tyre down a hole. The explosion reveals a buried cellar from the manor house that gave Miramont Gardens its name, in which artwork, coins, jewellery and an ancient parchment document are found. Professor Hatton-Jones (Margaret Rutherford) authenticates it as a royal charter of Edward IV that ceded the house its estates to Charles VII ("the Rash"), the last Duke of Burgundy, when he sought refuge there several centuries ago after being presumed dead at the Battle of Nancy. As the charter had never been revoked, Pimlico is legally part of Burgundy. Local policeman P.C. Spiller (Philip Stainton) observes, "Blimey! I'm a foreigner!"

The British government has no legal jurisdiction and requires the Burgundians to form a committee according to the laws of the long-defunct dukedom before negotiating with them. Ancient Burgundian law requires that the Duke himself appoint a council. Without one, all seems lost - until a young man from Dijon (Paul Dupuis) steps forward and proves that he is the heir to the dukedom. He duly forms a governing body; one of its members is the shrewd shopkeeper Arthur Pemberton (Stanley Holloway).

Very quickly, Burgundy (followed soon after by the rest of London) realises that it is not subject to post-war rationing and other bureaucratic restrictions, and the district is quickly flooded with entrepreneurs, crooks and eager shoppers. A noisy free-for-all ensues, which Spiller, the Chief (and only) Constable of Burgundy, finds himself unable to handle. Then the British authorities close the "border" with barbed wire. Having left England without their passports, the bargain hunters have trouble returning home - as one policeman replies to an indignant woman, "Don't blame me Madam, if you choose to go abroad to do your shopping."

The Burgundians decide that two can play this game and stop an underground train dead in its tracks. "The train is now at the Burgundy frontier." explains an agent of the newly formed customs and excise department. They proceed to ask the passengers if they have anything to declare.

The infuriated British government retaliates by breaking off negotiations. Burgundy is isolated, like post-war Berlin, and the residents are invited to "immigrate" to England. But the Burgundians are "a fighting people" and, though the children are evacuated, the adults stand fast. As Mrs. Pemberton (Betty Warren) puts it, "We've always been English and we'll always be English; and it's precisely because we are English that we're sticking up for our right to be Burgundians!"

Pimlico is cut off from electricity, food and water (though there's plenty of gin and crisps). The water problem is solved by a covert raid late one night, refilling the reservoir with hoses attached to the nearest fire hydrant on the British side of the border. Unfortunately, the food supply is spoiled when the cellar where it is being stored becomes flooded, and it appears that the Burgundians are beaten. Just in time, three Burgundian youngsters learn about this crisis and toss food across the border, setting an example for sympathetic Londoners; they begin throwing food parcels across the barrier in an improvised "airlift", echoing the one that ended the Berlin Blockade. Soon, others get into the act. A helicopter drops a hose to deliver milk. Even swine are parachuted in (possibly a reference to the expression "when pigs fly").

Meanwhile, the government comes under public pressure to resolve the problem. It becomes clear to the bumbling British diplomats assigned to find a solution, Gregg (Basil Radford) and Straker (Naunton Wayne) (Better known as cricket loving Charters & Caldicott), that defeating the Burgundians would be no easy task, so they decide to negotiate. The sticking point turns out to be the disposition of the unearthed treasure. At last, the local banker (Raymond Huntley) hits upon a novel solution: "A Burgundian loan to Britain!"

With negotiations successfully concluded, an outdoor banquet is prepared to welcome Burgundy back into the fold. Just as Big Ben strikes the hour of reunification, the Burgundians realise they truly are back in England, when the clouds part after a loud clap of thunder, and the heat wave is brought to a swift end by a torrential downpour, sending everyone scurrying for cover.

Quotes
Connie Pemberton:

We always were English and we'll always be English, and it's precisely because we are English that we're sticking up for our right to be Burgundians!

Charters & Caldicott

From Night Train to Munich

Charters: I bought a copy of Mein Kampf. Occurred to me it might shed a spot of light on all this... how d'ye do. Ever read it?
Caldicott: Never had the time.
Charters: I understand they give a copy to all the bridal couples over here.
Caldicott: Oh, I don't think it's that sort of book, old man.