Bob Willis RIP

A great English fast bowler. Bob Willis will long be remembered for his single-handed demolition of Australia at Headingley and so he should be. It was astonishing...

Sit back, relax and enjoy Bob at his wild-eyed best...

Robert George Dylan Willis MBE - Surrey, Warwickshire, 

Northern Transvaal and most crucially of all England.

30 May 1949 - 4 December 2019

Whose side are you on? - The trick-psychology of sport

When England are playing Australia (or indeed anyone) at Cricket, I know with absolute clarity who I want to win. Likewise Chelsea v Arsenal, Celtic v Rangers... my allegiance is clear and absolute. In fact I have quite clear allegiances that go a long way down the list. This was brought to my attention in the pub over the last weekend. 

A good friend of mine raised the question about taking sides, whatever the sport, whatever the fixture - we both concluded that not taking sides was impossible. Whether or not it is a New Zealand district rugby trial or a meaningless 1st round Snooker fixture in the Thai-Laos International Invitational Comp - you've got to have a side. 

I put this to the test with some random computer generated football fixtures. The results are as follows (teams in BOLD are the one's I'd prefer to win).

Manchester United v Liverpool

Liverpool v Arsenal

Arsenal v Tottenham 

Tottenham v Chelsea

Chelsea v West Ham 

West Ham v Fulham

Fulham v QPR

QPR v Brighton

Brighton v Eastbourne Borough

Eastbourne Borough v PSG

PSG v Ajax

Ajax v Inter

Inter v Juventus

Juventus v Real Madrid

Real Madrid v Barcelona

Barcelona v AC Milan

AC Milan v Celtic

Celtic v Rangers

Rangers v Berwick Rangers

Berwick Rangers v Derry City

Derry City v Cardiff City

Cardiff City v Anderlecht

Anderlecht v KV Oostende

KV Oostende v Rapid Vienna

Rapid Vienna v Bohemians (of Prague)....

Bohemians (of Prague) v Manchester United

...To be honest this could literally go on for ever!

Ronnie O'Sullivan v Mark Selby

Mark Selby v John Higgins

The er... Cricket

You spend a decade (sort of) occasionally adding to your blog, touching on a whole host of topics near and far to/from your heart. All the while, one of the more abiding loves is consigned to the outer reaches and then... 

England win the World Cup with Ben Stokes virtually winning the game single-handedly and then, just six weeks later. With the Urn just about to metaphorically strap itself into a first class Qantas flight from Heathrow to Sydney. Ben Stokes plays one of, if not, the greatest innings of all time. 

Having just managed to struggle into work today after the 2am finish at Headingley, I am still trying to process what I and the rest of the cricket loving world has witnessed. 

• History - without a doubt! 
• Genius - absolutely! 
• Once in a lifetime - I doubt it will ever be matched in my remaining 25+ years!

A report on the game will appear on The Jardine Report in due course but for now, I just need to revel in the joy of keeping myself wedged in to the same sofa space for nearly four hours, whilst constantly playing the opening riff to The Trip (Naz Nomad and the Nightmares version) as a way to ward off the inevitable humbling at the hands of the Ol' Enemy. I also lobbed in the occasional jazz chord to confuse the Aussies but it seemed as though my trusted Fender Telecaster Deluxe (a la Coxon) was not quite up to the trick. 

As soon as Jack Leach (Aka Alan from Accounts) joined Ben Stokes, it was time to get ready for bed. A couple of heroically heaved sixes served only to prolong the agony. The reverse swept six into the Western Terrace was audacious/funny, the lap six against Cummins was a dash of real bravado but surely it couldn't sustain. 

Tim Paine persisted with Nathan Lyon (surely the wrong choice?), another straight six! And then a suicide single, Leach stranded, Lyon must surely... but he didn't. He bloody missed it... Next ball, plumb LBW, missing leg, missing off, hitting middle half way up! But no, the Umpire says no and no referral. Leach nurdles his one run contribution to the 76 run partnership. Cummins digs one shortish, Stokes murders it through the covers and bedlam ensues...

No other sport can do this, no other stupid combination of rules, protocol, physical, spiritual and mental anguish can combine to deliver such sporting perfection. And of course, the ultimate joy is that - nothing has been resolved. We are back to square one. Two matches to go, at a minimum England must win one and not lose any....

The Ashes again...

I love cricket, have done ever since I was introduced to the game by my Mum and Grandad in the early 1970's. That first explosion of awareness was stimulated by the fact that my county, Sussex, supplied the all-rounder Tony Greig (who went on to Captain and then ultimately leave (albeit with some justification) England) and equally importantly the opening bowler John Snow to the national team.

The thought of a local player playing against Australia for The Ashes was almost too much for me to contemplate. If J.A.Snow can do it, then surely so can I! No sooner had I gained a vague grasp of the game than I had also understood the importance of beating Australia. They hated us, for a myriad of not unreasonable reasons - our snobby club tie mentally, our pompous arrogance & the numerous perceived slights that built up over your the years. The Ashes has no real sporting comparison, it is; history, passion, bravery, David v Goliath, competition, sporting behaviour, unsporting behaviour, great wins, terrible defeats... and the list is as long as the narrative of this frustrating, mesmerising and wonderful game. 

This current series is no different. Australia's crushing win in the first test followed by the battle between Archer and Smith at Lords. Magical, compelling and harrowing all at once. Made all the more exciting by the sight of another Sussex man opening the bowling for England. The atmosphere at Lords was electric (very different to the World Cup Final) but electric nonetheless. A true sense of another page of cricket history being written...

Roll on Headingley, long live Test Match Cricket, Long live The Ashes

The British & Irish Lions

As the tension begins to rise, I cast my mind back to 1971 and the exploits of King Barry and the rest of the Lions as they saw off the brutally efficient All Black to secure tour victory. What a team, what a tour!

The Lions won the first test in Dunedin 9–3, with a penalty goal to the All Blacks, and two penalties and a try, (scored by Ian McLauchlan) to the Lions. Several Lions players later admitted they were overconfident following their initial test victory. The Lions were hence convincingly beaten 22–12 in the second test in Christchurch, with the All Blacks outscoring them five tries (Bob Burgess (2),Sid Going, Ian Kirkpatrick, pen try) to two (Davies (2)). The third test match was played at Athletic Park, Wellington. The Lions did not make the same mistake they had in Christchurch, resulting in a 13–3 win, the Lions scored two converted tries and a drop goal. The All Blacks managed only a try.

Following the third test the Lions led the series 2 - 1. The final game played in Auckland would require an All Black victory for New Zealand to draw the series. A draw or Lions victory would give the Lions a series win. Scores were level 8–8 at half time with a try, conversion and penalty each. The first 15 minutes of the second half saw the Lions land a penalty goal and the All Blacks score a try. With the scores tied 11–11, Lions fullback JPR Williams received the ball 45 metres out and attempted a drop goal, it was successful and put the Lions ahead 14–11. Williams' drop goal was the only one he ever landed in his test career. The All Blacks could only manage three further points from a penalty to draw the game and give the Lions the series.

Let us hope that this tour of Australia delivers equal levels of skill, tension, courage, commitment and success! 

England Manager - Here we go, Here we go, Here we go... again!

Ladies & Gentlemen of the press, please rise for England's new coach - Roy Manager

Names for golf clubs

"I think I'll take my Cleek here Parkinson"

I'll be honest I'm a bit of a patchy golfer (dazzling and abysmal within the space of two strokes). However, a brief conversation last night reminded me of one of the things I love about golf. The old-fashioned musty fuddy-duddyness of it all, especially epitomised by the old names for clubs...

Woods:
Play Club: Driver
Brassie: 2-Wood
Spoon: Higher-Lofted Wood
Baffing Spoon: Approach Wood

Irons:
Cleek: 2 Iron
Mid Mashie: 3 Iron
Mashie Iron: 4 Iron
Mashie: 5 Iron
Spade Mashie: 6 Iron
Mashie Niblick: 7 Iron
Pitching Niblick: 8 Iron
Niblick: 9 Iron
Jigger: Very low lofted iron, shortened shaft
The Mashie Niblick was not a wedge.

The traditional set of irons was invented by Archibald Barrie and were used from 1903 up until about the 1940s. The introduction of the standardized numbered iron set produced by the Spalding Sporting Goods Company in the early 1930s caused the traditional set of irons to gradually give way to numbered convention more's the pity.

The traditional irons varied greatly in loft (+/- 5 degrees). The shape of the head determined some of the playing characteristics of the club; most traditional heads were roughly egg-shaped.

Heathen Golf on a Sunday
Sunday or Sabbath sticks were the golf enthusiasts' answer to the Church of Scotland's discouraging golfing on Sundays. Clubs were disguised as walking sticks, the club head comfortably fitting in the palm of the golfer's hand, until feeling unobserved, the stick was reversed and a few strokes were played.

Something to put a smile on your face

ICC TEST RANKINGS

1. England
2. South Africa
3. India
4. Australia
5. Sri Lanka
6. Pakistan
7. West Indies
8. New Zealand
9. Bangladesh

Sports Personality of the Year Show

The Sunday before Christmas and there is only one thing to do, pour a large scotch and sit back and watch the Sports Personality of the Year Show on BBC - consistently the best review of sport!

Great moments: Mohammed Ali getting overseas/all-time greatest sportsman award, Ashes winning team of the year, Redgrave and Pinsent, the list goes on & on!

And somewhere down the line tears are shed at the sheer joy and pain that sport can bring!

And this year's winner is AP McCoy!