Local theatre

Panto at Christmas, The Passion (or Pooh bear) at Easter, a murder mystery for the summer season, a chirpy musical for Autumn back round to Cinders at Yuletide. The clunk of seats, swish of the follow spots, rustle of sweet wrappers and smell of stale lavender. Nothing better than a bit of local theatre to remind you how good proper acting is...

Robert Elms Radio Show

From the "Listed Londoner" to "Funky Friday", Robert 'Bob' Elms manages to cover a whole host of subjects with enthusiasm, wit and a fair dose of integrity. All in all, not bad for a QPR fan!

Soccer AM & Soccer Saturday

When the blues were away, it was raining outside and there was nothing else to do. Tim Lovejoy, Helen Chamberlain & Jeff Stelling ruled supreme on Saturdays.

Radio 4

I’m almost ashamed and most certainly reluctant to include Radio 4 on this list. Not least, because through a variety of means you can access the majority of it here in Australia.

However, it does have to be included for the simple reason that it sets the cultural tempo for a part of England that is dying out. It is the metronome for suburban homes, the very heartbeat of a generation, touched from birth by the clean clear tones that have echoed from Bush House to Portland Place since radio silence was first broken.

What do I miss about it? Well, it could be reasonably argued that life without The Archers, Desert Islands Discs, Punt & Dennis rehashing old sketches and random Jeremy Hardy lectures would be tolerable enough but I would argue, although not too vigorously, that with them it would be just a little bit better. Life without “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue” may well prove for different reasons to be a sad and distinct possibility, life with “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue” is/was a joy to behold – in fact “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue” certainly merits an entry all of it’s own (which in it’s own way is quite amusing).

So, the programming is all very well, when it’s written down it looks good, PIL did a fine elegiac piece on Metal Box called Radio 4 but what is it I really miss? The shipping forecast? – Undoubtedly. TMS? – A summer is incomplete without it but even they flit across channels and frequencies like a Tommy stuck behind enemy lines. What I miss is it’s totality, it’s unreasonableness and it’s faux authority, from Today to the sound of Big Ben on New years Eve you know exactly what to expect, nothing changes and everything moves on. Perfect!

Scritti Politti putting their album release date back

Having been a long-time admirer of the works of Mr Green Gartside, from Skank Bloc Bologna onwards in fact. I always used to love the frequent sightings in the music press of news of the latest release from pop's post-modern master of deconstruction. The date would be logged away and as it approached I would build myself for the inevitable rejection at the hands of the record shop assistant.

A sample conversation would go something like this;
"Hi, have you got the new Scritti Politti album?"
"Nah, the release has been delayed, record company don't know when it's coming out"
"Ok, thanks"

Now of course, being firmly entrenched down under, no point in asking the record assistant a) because they won't know what I'm talking about and b) I can get disappointed online. Green had promised a flurry of activity for 2008 after the joyous success of 'White Bread, Black Beer' and as of today, nothing, nish, nada!

Oh, I do miss Old England!