Sun-Tzu & The Art of Fucking Things Up - Part 5

“Anyone who knows Dom — including those who professionally respect him — will tell you his strategy is to scorch the earth, destroy what’s in front of him with a mind to rebuilding something else,” said one Tory insider.

Financial Times - 7/9/19 

- Be on guard - 

They haven't stopped yet 

and they won't until they are crushed.

Dr Stewart Pearson

Sun-Tzu & The Art of Fucking Things Up - Part 4

Dr Stewart Pearson (AKA Dominic Cummings) is poised to spend more time skulking around the corridors of Westminster, despite being in contempt of Parliament. He even approached Jeremy Corbyn whilst swigging from a glass of wine and challenged him to allow the desired General Election to go ahead. HWSNBN reports...

"Cummings' rather unsubtle aim of bullying Parliament into an early election and thus allowing a 'Non-Aggression Pact' between Farage and Johnson to return a neo-fascist right-wing government. The premise being that the Labour, SNP, Lib-Dem, Change, Green and Independent Alliance will not be able to coalesce around a united no deal strategy... Kick out the One Nation Tories and replace them with Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Übermensch Tories and mad-dog Brexiteers. Hardly the most subtle of strategies but one that is doomed to success unless... unless..."

And so, the message is very clear. There are no rules, no etiquette, no sense of justice or fair play any more. Just because we are currently having fun at Johnson's expense, don't think for one second they are taking their eye off the biggest prize at all.

A new Britain - unlike anything we've ever known. 

Moments in Love #9

Pevensey Marshes... cold snap, warm hands... Only 2 miles to the sea... only 2 miles

Moments in Love #8

Oil paints flicked and smeared across the Sussex Downs. Poppies cascading from Jevington to Alfriston, an empty church, an open door... a promise

Sun-Tzu & The Art of Fucking Things up - Part 3

This seems to be a rather widely shared view.... We are screwed!

Sun-Tzu & The Art of Fucking Things Up - Part 2

Further update from HWSNBN...

"Dr Stewart Pearson soundalike DC going absolutely Tonto. He is balls deep in a rage. Nobody is safe. PM is cowering in his bunker. SPADS cueing up to jump off roof. DC has alienated so many already. Only the most meek and placid are happy to put their cock in the door for him to slam. 1922 alarm bells ringing. Even RKM concerned but publicly trying to swing heft of The Sun behind beleaguered (hence KFC graphic). Johnson has got 3 days to gain control of No.10... you couldn't make this shit up!"

Sun-Tzu & The Art of Fucking Things Up - Part 1

A close acquaintance is fortunate enough (or otherwise) to be a bit of a player in the current to-ing and fro-ing in the darker corners of Westminster. I received this today...

"Badly dressed Leave Campaign Übermensch DC convince that his zen like mind games are propelling the country towards well... disaster actually. And quite honestly he doesn't care, in fact he stands to benefit significantly from the chaos and carnage he is reaping. £ collapsing - doesn't care. PM already been rumbled - doesn't care. Government majority lost in a trice - doesn't care. Marching BAME women out of no 10 at gunpoint - doesn't care. He is Farage's advanced guard. This is not about the Country or Conservatives (about whom  - doesn't care). This is about him and him alone. It is just a game, whether he wins or not  - doesn't care. The man genuinely thinks he is Sun-Tzu, when in reality he is nothing more than a cut price Dr Stewart Pearson."

Moments in Love #7

All day Tequila Slammers, Cadbury Flakes, the gentle wash of summer jazz sweeping the room, curtains half open, no tick no tock - alone in the Universe... Stateless

Moments in Love #6

On the water's edge, cold breath clouds, waves rattle the shore, a gentle shimmer, wind whips up the Channel, Royal Sovereign lights - a dizzy cycle

hands thrust in pockets weary, eyes lowered, the whisky in the bottle won't make her return, yet forges fierce anamnesis of the sweetness of her kiss - a dizzy recoil

The only good thing about a Fascist Coup - The resistance!

ⓒ2019 Reproduced by kind permission of 'Who gives a F'

Another 40 gigs...

The rules. Following on from the first 50 gigs post. Time to follow up with a further 40 gigs that spring into my head - in no order specific order of brilliance - although...

1) The CTMF - Koko (AKA Music Machine) - 2018. As part of a gig to celebrate 30 years of Damaged Goods records. Wild Billy Childish, Nurse Julie & Wolf Howard played a truly uplifting and suitably spirited set that brought the house down. Highlight - A cover of Hendrix's Fire...

2) Paul Weller - Sydney Opera House - 2017. The first of three nights was a truly joyous experience, don't think I've ever seen Weller quite so happy and comfortable on stage. Highlight - Have you ever had it blue...

3) Graham Day and The Gaolers - Lexington - 2018. I've managed to see Mr Day in a few different guises, first time with the Gaolers and suitably pugnacious. Highlight - Seeing the whisky bottle being passed around...

4) The Galileo 7 - Garage Islington - 2016. Punchy psych garage guitar pop (or variations thereof). Supporting Ebbot Lundberg and the Indigo Children and quite frankly, stealing the show. Highlight - The bouncing bassist...

5) The Pop Group - Komedia. Messrs Stewart and Sager delivering a blistering evening of dub, funk/punk. Happy night in the darkest of days. Highlight - Being passed the microphone to sing 'Where there's a will, there has got be a way"...

The Specials - Enmore Theatre
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Sydney Entertainment Centre
The Chords - Richmond Pub
Chalk Horse Music - Towner Art Gallery
The The - Sydney Opera House
Johnny Marr - Enmore Theatre
Billy Bragg - Manning Bar
A Certain Ratio - Islington
Blur - Hyde Park
Richard Hawley - De La Warr Pavilion
Nick Heyward - Concorde 2
The Style Council - Southampton
Stormzy - Enmore Theatre
Ben Watt - The Basement
Purple Hearts - The Lyceum
Wire - Sydney Arts Theatre
French Boutik - 100 Club
The Fallen Leaves - Hope and Anchor
Martin Stephenson and the Daintees - Town and Country Club
The Fall - Garage Islington
The Jesus and the Mary Chain - Sydney Opera House
Echo and the Bunnymen - Top Rank
Arctic Monkeys - Homebush
Joe Strummer and the Mescaleroes - The Astoria
Robyn Hitchcock - Social Club
Run DMC/Public Enemy - Brighton Conference Centre
The fReds - Sydney Opera House
Massive Attack - Steps of the Sydney Opera House
Martin and Eliza Carthy - Hailsham
Animal Nightlife - Ace Cinema Brixton
PIL - Enmore Theatre
Dexy's - Enmore Theatre
Morrissey - Paris
The Damned - Enmore Theatre
Linton Kwesi Johnson - CND March

Quadrophenia Dreams #4

Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time but...

Martial Law

And so, the beginning of the end has arrived...

The four deliveroo riders of the apocalypse have picked up their orders and are heading our way. Don't think that Johnson and his KKKrew of elites are going to stop here. Close down Parliament, the monarchy happy to acquiesce, next stop shut down the BBC. Murdoch will happily spread the bad news. The internet will only be utilised to disseminate more lies. Outbreaks of unrest will lead to arrests, civil disobedience will drive the army onto the streets. This is what they have been training and bred for. 

This is their destiny - This is our fate!

English Civil War

When Johnny comes marching home again
He's coming by bus or underground
A woman's eye will shed a tear
you see his face so beaten in fear
an' it was just around the corner in the english civil war

It was still at the stage of clubs and fists
When that well-known face got beaten to bits
Your face was blue in the light of the screen
As we watched the speech of an animal scream
The new party army was marching right over our heads

Alright

There you are, ha ha, I told you so
Says everybody that we know
But who hid a radio under the stairs
An' who got caught out on their unawares?
When that new party army came marching right up the stairs

When johnny comes marching home again
Nobody understands it can happen again
The sun is shining an' the kids are shouting loud
But you gotta know it's shining through a crack in the cloud
And the shadows keep falling when johnny comes marching home

Well, what did you really expect?

Quadrophenia Dreams #3

I am 

all alone

 in this world... 

but there is music

and that is 

enough

!

Quadrophenia Dreams #2

On the top of the number 11, looking at the images, the clothes, the haircut, the scooter, those trainers. Picking up small snippets of information. Levi 501's (you've got to get the shrink to it ones)... button down shirts (Ben Sherman)... you should only wear a parka if you ride a scooter... go to a proper barbers to get a haircut, don't go to one of those unisex salons... The Who weren't Mods themselves but Mods liked them... Small Faces though, they were the true Mod band... Motown, Chess and Stax records... Ska and Bluebeat too... The Beatles = Not Mods... Mods don't drink pints... There's this thing called the Mod Rule Book, it's got all the laws and by-laws written down... It's ok to like Modern jazz too but not that Trad stuff like Acker Bilk... You should only wear one badge on your suit (if at all)... red socks are acceptable but only with brogues...

Quadrophenia Dreams #1

I was flicking through my LP's last night and I rediscovered my US original version of Quadrophenia. I opened up the sleeve and to my delight the booklet still seemed in pretty good nick. No sooner had I turned the first page than I was transported back to the bus home from school and a conversation that went something like this.

Al: "Do you like The Who"
Me: "What Pinball Wizard and all that? Hippies!"
Al: "No, not that stuff. They were a Mod band"
Me: "A what band?"
Al: "A Mod band. A band liked by Mods"
Me: "Really?"

And that was how it all began.

Whose side are you on? - The trick-psychology of sport

When England are playing Australia (or indeed anyone) at Cricket, I know with absolute clarity who I want to win. Likewise Chelsea v Arsenal, Celtic v Rangers... my allegiance is clear and absolute. In fact I have quite clear allegiances that go a long way down the list. This was brought to my attention in the pub over the last weekend. 

A good friend of mine raised the question about taking sides, whatever the sport, whatever the fixture - we both concluded that not taking sides was impossible. Whether or not it is a New Zealand district rugby trial or a meaningless 1st round Snooker fixture in the Thai-Laos International Invitational Comp - you've got to have a side. 

I put this to the test with some random computer generated football fixtures. The results are as follows (teams in BOLD are the one's I'd prefer to win).

Manchester United v Liverpool

Liverpool v Arsenal

Arsenal v Tottenham 

Tottenham v Chelsea

Chelsea v West Ham 

West Ham v Fulham

Fulham v QPR

QPR v Brighton

Brighton v Eastbourne Borough

Eastbourne Borough v PSG

PSG v Ajax

Ajax v Inter

Inter v Juventus

Juventus v Real Madrid

Real Madrid v Barcelona

Barcelona v AC Milan

AC Milan v Celtic

Celtic v Rangers

Rangers v Berwick Rangers

Berwick Rangers v Derry City

Derry City v Cardiff City

Cardiff City v Anderlecht

Anderlecht v KV Oostende

KV Oostende v Rapid Vienna

Rapid Vienna v Bohemians (of Prague)....

Bohemians (of Prague) v Manchester United

...To be honest this could literally go on for ever!

Ronnie O'Sullivan v Mark Selby

Mark Selby v John Higgins

Afternoon Films #3 - The Italian Job

Charlie Croker is released from prison. He meets up with the widow of his friend and fellow thief Roger Beckermann, who has been killed by the Mafia while driving a Lamborghini Miura in the Italian Alps. Mrs Beckermann gives Croker her husband's plans for the robbery that attracted the hostile attention of his killers, which detail a way to steal $4 million in gold in the city of Turin and escape to Switzerland.

Croker breaks back into his former prison to convince the powerful crime lord Mr. Bridger to finance the plan. Bridger, who has bribed almost all of the prison guards to work for him, initially rejects the plan, but changes his mind after he learns that Fiat is set to build a new factory in China.

With Bridger's backing, Croker recruits computer expert Professor Peach and a team of thieves and drivers. The plan calls for Peach to replace the programme in the computer that controls Turin's traffic control system, creating a paralysing traffic jam that will allow the thieves to escape with the gold in three Mini Cooper S getaway cars.

After planning and training, Croker, his girlfriend Lorna, and the heist crew set out for Turin. Mafia boss Altabani and his underlings are waiting in the Alps at the same pass where they killed Beckermann. Altabani warns Croker that the Mafia are aware of the gang's intentions and smashes their Jaguar E-Type cars, sending Croker's personal Aston Martin DB4 drophead off a cliff. Just as Altabani is about to give the order to shoot the gang, Croker tells him that Mr. Bridger will avenge their deaths by driving Italian merchants in selected British cities out of business. Not wanting to risk suffering on any fellow Italians, Altabani lets them go, ordering them to return to England and believing that it is too big a job for Croker to undertake. Instead, he proceeds with the plan, replacing the traffic control system's magnetic tape data storage reels. 

On the day of the robbery, Croker sends gang member Birkinshaw, disguised as a football fan, to jam the closed circuit television cameras that monitor traffic. The substitute data reel then causes widespread traffic chaos. The gang converge on the gold convoy, overpower the guards, and tow the armoured car into the entrance hall of the Museo Egizio. There, the gang transfer the gold to the Minis.

Altabani recognises that "If they planned this jam, they must have planned a way out." Pursued by the Turin police, the three Minis race through the shopping arcades of the city, speed down stairs, jump between rooftops, and finally escape the traffic jams by a pre-planned route across a weir. The getaway is timed perfectly, and they throw off the police by driving through a large sewer pipe. As Mr. Bridger receives the cheers and adulation of his fellow prison inmates, the gang drive the Minis into the back of a moving customised coach. They then unload the gold and dispose of the Minis by pushing them off the mountainside.

The rest of the gang, having sneaked out of the city in a minibus while disguised as football supporters, rendezvous with the coach in the Alps. On the looping mountain roads, driver "Big" William loses control of the coach. The back of the bus is left teetering over a cliff and the gold slides towards the rear doors. As Croker attempts to reach the gold, it slips further. The film finishes on a literal cliffhanger with Croker announcing: "Hang on a minute lads, I've got a great idea".

Legend has it that The Italian Job II was due to commence with Charlie and the gang planning to steel back the gold from the mafia - the gang having leapt to safety with the coach having fallen down the mountain, where the mafia had reclaimed the gold. 

• Michael Caine as Charlie Croker
• Noël Coward as Mr. Bridger
• Benny Hill as Professor Simon Peach
• Raf Vallone as Altabani
• Tony Beckley as Camp Freddie
• Rossano Brazzi as Roger Beckermann
• Maggie Blye as Lorna
• Irene Handl as Miss Peach
• John Le Mesurier as the Prison Governor
• Fred Emney as Birkinshaw

The er... Cricket

You spend a decade (sort of) occasionally adding to your blog, touching on a whole host of topics near and far to/from your heart. All the while, one of the more abiding loves is consigned to the outer reaches and then... 

England win the World Cup with Ben Stokes virtually winning the game single-handedly and then, just six weeks later. With the Urn just about to metaphorically strap itself into a first class Qantas flight from Heathrow to Sydney. Ben Stokes plays one of, if not, the greatest innings of all time. 

Having just managed to struggle into work today after the 2am finish at Headingley, I am still trying to process what I and the rest of the cricket loving world has witnessed. 

• History - without a doubt! 
• Genius - absolutely! 
• Once in a lifetime - I doubt it will ever be matched in my remaining 25+ years!

A report on the game will appear on The Jardine Report in due course but for now, I just need to revel in the joy of keeping myself wedged in to the same sofa space for nearly four hours, whilst constantly playing the opening riff to The Trip (Naz Nomad and the Nightmares version) as a way to ward off the inevitable humbling at the hands of the Ol' Enemy. I also lobbed in the occasional jazz chord to confuse the Aussies but it seemed as though my trusted Fender Telecaster Deluxe (a la Coxon) was not quite up to the trick. 

As soon as Jack Leach (Aka Alan from Accounts) joined Ben Stokes, it was time to get ready for bed. A couple of heroically heaved sixes served only to prolong the agony. The reverse swept six into the Western Terrace was audacious/funny, the lap six against Cummins was a dash of real bravado but surely it couldn't sustain. 

Tim Paine persisted with Nathan Lyon (surely the wrong choice?), another straight six! And then a suicide single, Leach stranded, Lyon must surely... but he didn't. He bloody missed it... Next ball, plumb LBW, missing leg, missing off, hitting middle half way up! But no, the Umpire says no and no referral. Leach nurdles his one run contribution to the 76 run partnership. Cummins digs one shortish, Stokes murders it through the covers and bedlam ensues...

No other sport can do this, no other stupid combination of rules, protocol, physical, spiritual and mental anguish can combine to deliver such sporting perfection. And of course, the ultimate joy is that - nothing has been resolved. We are back to square one. Two matches to go, at a minimum England must win one and not lose any....

The Ashes again...

I love cricket, have done ever since I was introduced to the game by my Mum and Grandad in the early 1970's. That first explosion of awareness was stimulated by the fact that my county, Sussex, supplied the all-rounder Tony Greig (who went on to Captain and then ultimately leave (albeit with some justification) England) and equally importantly the opening bowler John Snow to the national team.

The thought of a local player playing against Australia for The Ashes was almost too much for me to contemplate. If J.A.Snow can do it, then surely so can I! No sooner had I gained a vague grasp of the game than I had also understood the importance of beating Australia. They hated us, for a myriad of not unreasonable reasons - our snobby club tie mentally, our pompous arrogance & the numerous perceived slights that built up over your the years. The Ashes has no real sporting comparison, it is; history, passion, bravery, David v Goliath, competition, sporting behaviour, unsporting behaviour, great wins, terrible defeats... and the list is as long as the narrative of this frustrating, mesmerising and wonderful game. 

This current series is no different. Australia's crushing win in the first test followed by the battle between Archer and Smith at Lords. Magical, compelling and harrowing all at once. Made all the more exciting by the sight of another Sussex man opening the bowling for England. The atmosphere at Lords was electric (very different to the World Cup Final) but electric nonetheless. A true sense of another page of cricket history being written...

Roll on Headingley, long live Test Match Cricket, Long live The Ashes

Football Heroes #5 - George Best

Superstar

Football Heroes #6 - Franz Beckenbauer

Der Kaiser 

Strings of Desire - #10

The Billy Childish Cadillac

It was whilst I was writing a blog post a couple or so years ago for 'The things that I miss etc...' that I pondered the availability of the most amazing guitar I'd ever seen. I've been a fan of the works of Billy Childish and his vast plethora of bands for a many a year and I became aware (specifically around the time of The Buff Medways) of an amazing red guitar that Billy would attack with unadulterated abandon. It looked like a cross between the sort of guitar that Bo Diddley championed and a 1950's futuristic space car. 

I had previously assumed that it was an old discontinued vintage number and I didn't even bother to really start looking. However, after a particularly wild night blasting out The Buffs on my Dansette, I decided to at least find out the name of it. 

It was of course - The Billy Childish Cadillac.

It transpired that whilst it was modelled on a couple of old guitars that apparently the body shape is loosely inspired by a photo on the back of a Bo Diddley album, the headstock shape came from an old Vox guitar Billy had lying around at the time. The body is covered in red leatherette with a white piping side trim. The effect is stunning. When combined with its lightweight, thin solid body the growling P-90's sound complimented by fantastic tremolo - it is truly a great guitar to play and to look at. 

Who makes such a fantastic instrument? Well, Fabian of Fab Guitars makes them, just across the channel in Oostende Belgium. A lovely guy, who makes beautiful guitars that sound as good as they look. Check them out here Fab Guitars - By the way, Fabian is only making 13 Cadillacs and a fair few of them have gone already...

Football Heroes #4 - Jimmy Greaves

Chelsea, AC Milan, Tottenham Hotspur, West Ham United...

England

Football Heroes #3 - Holland '74

Total Football

Football Heroes #2 - Bobby Moore

Captain

Football Heroes #1 - Peter Osgood

The King of Stamford Bridge

I am English, I loved England & everything about it but...

The ironic thing about this blog is that when I first moved to Australia, my homesickness manifested itself in a number if rather alarming ways that I now shudder at. I would blithely wear English sporting attire at any opportunity (well, our cricket team was better then - although Joffra Archer's wonderful performance at Lords might suggest better things are still to come). I would openly display a Union flag and felt compelled to pick holes in my current circumstances and compare everything unfavourably to 'back home'. 

This was partly triggered by the sense of displacement I felt but equally it was a response to the the local Australian pride in their own  country. As time passed on, I would head back to the UK ostensibly to 'work' but more often than not, just to stock up on all the invaluable items I could not purchase in Sydney. Including (in no particular order of preference: Fred Perry t-shirts, Trickers Brogues, Marmite, John Smedley, decent selvedge Levis...). Sure there were a few quirky aspects that made me uncomfortable but I could even (very vaguely) tolerate those funny but obviously mad little Englander types like that odious little twerp Farage (rhymes with Garage) and that blithering buffoon Johnson. Only be cause they were harmless idiots! 

I am English, I loved England and everything about it!

But then...

A pack of lies, Russian influence, neo-con posturing, talk of Project Fear, the supine leadership of another Etonian dimwit Cameron, the ghastly horror of Prime Minister May the walking mothball, a misguided and lazy Labour opposition and now Britain finds itself staring down the barrel of abject disaster and humiliation. No deal = no medicine, food shortages, fuel shortages, port blockades, civil disobedience etc etc. This will be followed by a hard border for Northern Ireland, the return of the troubles (a few unsettled scores there), Scottish independence.... None of which is fantasy any more. 

We have the most right-wing government in Britain's history. We have two openly extremist political parties in the Brexit Party and UKIP. The members of whom actively share platforms with various Neo-Nazi groups including but not exclusive to the holocaust denying AfD of Germany... The sight of Anne Widdecombe and the rest of the Brexit Party turning their back on the European Union anthem is the most soul-destroying thing I have ever witnessed (and don't forget I once sat through a Tears for Fears gig, so I've suffered)! Ok, that is me being trite and frivolous... 

The prospect of martial law being imposed after the 31st October however is decidedly not funny and a real prospect. The fact that this scenario was given legitimate credence by of all things the Brexit championing The Sun might not mean it is true but does suggest it is on the agenda. Martial Law in Britain? Soldiers on the streets to stop riots and looting, where does it end?... Truly the stuff of a far-fetched dystopian nightmare. 

I am English, I loved England and everything about it!

But now...

I am English, I loved England and I am now aghast, horrified and feel utterly betrayed.

The Eton Mess - A recipe (for disaster)

The Bullingdon Club

The government of the people, for the minority, by the elite! 

The Eton Rifles

They are coming for you...

Footballers as Bands revisited - 2019 version

The Battle of the Pun-dits (AKA Deco and the Bunnymen)!

1. Deco and the Bunnymen
2. Jo Division
3. Brian Roy Division!
4. A Certain Raich Carter
5. Rip Giggs and Panic
6. franz RIO ferdinand,
7. the STEVE stone roses,
8. Hawkwind 70's dirge DA SILVA machine
9. Staring at the Ruud van Nistelrooys
10. Torres Amos
11. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Eric Young
12. Nat King Scholes.
13. The Keownly Ones
14. Mark Hughesie and the Banshees.
15. Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Ji-Sung Park
16. Beckenbauerhaus.
17. Everything But Robbie Earle
18. Eminemerson
19. Jean Tiganarama?
20. Van Den Hauwe That's What I Call Music
21. Ian Rush
22. Gillan
23. Scharnhorst Hrubesch...
24. Cafu Fighters
25. Im-Hagi-nation
26. Maradona Summer
27. Zubizaretta James
28. Roberto Carlos Santana...
29. Gilberto Sullivan.
30. Pele-dtron
31. Dugarry Glitter.
32. Youri Bjorkaeff.
33. Louis S-Aha
34. Romario Hara
35. Kanu West.
36. Eto'o-ny Bennett.
37. The Stiles Council
38. Luis Elbow-amorte
39. Rage Against The Maniche
40. Hamilton BoChannon
41. Ocean Colour Gilzean
42. Klinsmannic Street Preachers
43. Rumenniggers With Attitude
44. The Frinks.
45. Robert Fleck of Seagulls
46. Ashley Cole &The Commotions
47. The Jo-Boxers
48. Gerry Francis & The Pacemakers
49. Martin Peters & Franny Lee
50. A guy called Steven Gerrard
51. Tony Adamski
52. Gunther Netzer Ebb
53. Cabaret John Hare
54. Eric B and Jock Stein
55. Ian Wrighteous Brothers
56. Colin Bell & Sebastien
57. Barry Whitesnake
58. Frankie Lampard goes to Hollywood
59. Joe Cole &The Commotions
60. Lee Perry Groves
61. U-Roy Keane
62. I-Roy Hodgson
63. PreFabregas Sprout
64. Ledley King Tubby
65. David Lee Scratch Chris Perry
66. Bananarama and the tierry-hen-ree.
67. Robin Van Persie Sledge
68. Chuck Ribery
69. The Cisse Sisters?
70. The Alan Brezillos?
71. Eric CantoNas
72. Plunky and The Hoeness of Juju
73. The Pretty Frings
74. Dr Feelgudjohnson
75. Trevor Brooking Curtis
76. david Ngohbetweens
77. Gianfranco ZoLa's
78. El Hadj a googoo?
79. Madnessta.
80. Droy Orbison
81. Babyaro-smith
82. Galvin Stardust...
83. Yakubu Radleys.
84. Flamini Lips.
85. Everything Nicky Butt The Girl.
86. Viljoen armatrading.
87. Sprake That.
88. (Arnold) Muhren5
89. Kings of Lionel Messi.
90. Raul About Eve.
91. Tubeway Barmby.
92. Hurst, Quinn and Myhre....
93. Limparliament
94. Kewell & The gang
95. Aztec Kamara
96. john terry - secret affair
97. Niemi Winehouse
98. Giuly London
99. Funkaderic Young
100. Gordon Two Banks of Four
101. Jimmy Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine
102. The Housemartinchivers
103. Brighton & Hove Damon Albarn
104. Ray Wilson Pickett
105. Otis Reading FC
106. Einsturzende warrenbarton
107. A tribe called Gordon West
108. florence and the mel machin(e)
109. curoiusity killed the chris cat(lin)
110. kajayakuba
111. wayne bridge over troubled waters
112. Groove Almunia
113. Jan Venegoor of Hesselinkin Park.
114. Emerson, Paul Lake & Carlton Palmer
115. Musical Djouf
116. Pink Floyd Hasselbank
117. Scott Parker & the Rumour
118. Robert Green Gartside
119. Klaas Jan Miles Huntelaar
120. Taribo Westlife
121. Theatre of Hately
122. Fine Young Alan Balls
123. Alan Smith 'n Mighty
124. Jan Molby Gees
125. That Petrov Emotion
126. Bert Trautmantronix
127. JJ Okocha Wobble
128. DanZiege
129. ashley young marble giants
130. kid creole and the nigel reo - cokernuts
131. eboue yaa tribe
132. Department Essien
133. The Beautiful Southall
134. Fountains of Wayne
135. Sleepy La Boeuf
136. Maradonna sings Mervynday
137. Bobby Lennox sings Huth that Girl
138. Toni Basil Boli
139. Deutsch-Amerikanische Stefan-Freundschaft
140. Zubizuretta James
141. Kolo Toure BC
142. A Flock of Steve Bulls
143. Nani-na and Frederick
144. Brian Horne-y Horns
145. Bosnich Cave and The Bad Speeds
146. The Lofthouse Family
147. Passarella Fitzgerald
148. Bootsy Collins John
149. Fred Wesley Sneijder
150. Wally Baderooney
151. Lindsey de Paul Ince
152. Ten Cisse
153. Giresse Club Seven
154. Guti Lemper
155. Pak-Do Ik and Tina Turner
156. The Overath of Noise
157. Fashanu kids on the block
158. Peter Marinelly furtado
159. duane edinho
160. Bobby Stokoe Jays
161. Luluther Blisset
162. ShowaddyTotti
163. Jeffers-on Airplane
164. Showaddywaddle
165. Mutu Live Crew
166. Wim Jonkooper Clarke
167. Jimi Hendrixon Etuhu
168. Provan Morrison
169. Vierchowod-ywaddy
170. Magath Brooks
171. Cascarino and Renata
172. Mastadon Givens
173. The Staples Masingas
174. Gerson House
175. Brotherhood Hamman
176. Danny Blind Lemon Jefferson
177. Lauren Blancmange
178. Uwe Sailor
179. Jason Macateer Drop Explodes
180. Bernard Lamahl
181. Chrisperry Ambulance
182. Bob Stokoeholm Monsters
183. Extreme noise.Terry
184. Duranieri Duranieri
185. John Bond Jovi
186. Alec Stock, Roy Aitken & Waterman
187. Brynn Gunns 'n  Roses
188. Felix Magathzine
189. Steve Macmanamanfred Mann
190. T'Pau lo Sousa
191. Sly and Robinho
192. Beyon Seedorf
193. Kiki Dean Saunders
194. Richard Rufus Thomas
195. Michael Ballacker Bilk
196. John Chiedoze, Beaky, Mick and Titch
197. Charlie George Jones
198. Dalglisha Dixon
199. The Undisputed Huth
200. George Graham Central Station
201. Hughes Corporation
202. Bob De Bilde...
203. The Kuqi Crew
204. The Ndlovu Unlimited Orchestra
205. Spackman Turner Overdrive
206. The Three John Scales
207. Tower of Paul Power
208. John Fashanu Model Army
209. Vinnie Jones Girls
210. Bruce GrobbeLast Poets
211. Tommy Steeleye Span
212. Bonzo Dog ADU Dah Band
213. Hermann Hreiðarsson's Hermits
214. Henry Falcao
215. Peters Ball and Narey
216. Heinze Below Zero
217. Muscat Stevens
218. Emmerson Boyce II Men
219. Half Man Half Biscan
220. Olarticoechea-rsay
221. Aldair Supply
222. Ocean Kohler Scene
223. Athletico Spizz Hately
224. This Mortal Owen Coyle
225. Jay Zico
226. Beggar and Kolo Toure
227. Brian Labone Yard
228. Wishbone Ashley Cole
229. Cheb Khal Eder
230. Romario Speedwagon
231. Alex Step Nico
232. Albert ini Kamoze
233. Sukergrass
234. Gloria Deyna
235. Ziege Ziege Sputnik
236. Alienkov Sex Fiend
237. Joe Jordanaires
238. big brother and holding vincent kompany
239. seasick steve perryman
240. The Kevin Beattie Boys
241. Shakin' Gary Stevens
242. John Harley and the Wailers
243. Iggy Papa bouba Diope
244. Stiff Brian Little Fingers
245. Ian Ure & The Blockheads
246. Niall Quinn Lizzy
247. Killing Jokanovic
248. Tony Adams and the Ants
249. Tears for Brian Mears
250. The Ron Futcher sound of London
251. X-Mal Donaghy Deutschland
252. GeorgeBerry Switchblade
253. Paul Robinson Band
254. The Daniel Passarella Roof Orchestra
255. Gilberto y Los trios paranoias
256. Kevin Gallen Drunk
257. PriMalouda Scream
258. PJ David Harvey
259. Red Lorimer Yellow Lorimer
260. Mercury Rivelino
261. Dinosaur Junior
262. The Futcherheads
263. Malcom McLAaron Young
264. Hue & Cruyff
265. Freddie Rinconway Twitty
266. Eartha Kitt Symons
267. Curtiis Schweinstigers
268. Luis Enrique LF
269. The Thomas Berthold Steady
270. Joel Bats For Lashes
271. Lady Burrachagaga
272. The Shangri Lalas
273. The boomtown vasily rats
274. Elvis 'steve' Pressley
275. John 'Neil' Lennon
276. Alexander Martin O'Neal
277. John 'Nigel' Martyn
278. ChumbaMuamba
279. Boy George Best
280. Will.I.an
281. The Alan Clarke 5
282. Claudio Duran DuRannieri
283. Robbie Savages
284. The Whu
285. Stanley Matthews Southern Comfort
286. The Wenger Boys
287. The Ting Ings
288. Kid Creole and Zicoconuts
289. Kevin Gallen Drunk
290. PlasMatic(s)
291. Muzzy Izzet Star
292. Platini Tempah
293. Ross Barkley James Harvest
294. Ruben Loftus-Cheeky Girls
295. Alvaro Moratohead

The original game as nicked by Danny Baker

Einsturzende Warren Barton in full effect! 

Homework by candlelight (AKA the 3 day week - Up the Miners!)

1973

Spangles

The taste of summer holidays 1976-1979

Burnt Toast

The smell of Breakfast & Tea (1967-1992)

Bands I wish I'd been in #6 - The Pop Group

Born out of the debris of The Avon Soul Army and the catalytic impact of seeing The Clash and Sex Pistols early on in the nascent punk scene. The Pop Group swiftly took the punk rule book and ripped it up. Incorporating funk, free jazz, dub and punk soundscapes. The original band featured Mark Stewart, John Waddington, Simon Underwood, Gareth Sager and Bruce Smith. Their heady combination of James Brown, Albert Ayler, Funkadelic and King Tubby mixed with radical lyrics was a complete headfunk for a teenage suburban punk like myself. 

Their debut single 'She is Beyond Good and Evil' was the most searing combination of potent punk/funk and poetic imagery I'd ever heard. These boys were different to anybody else on the scene. This was followed by their debut album 'Y', which covered all the bases (and basses). The relentlessly funky chaos of 'We are time' & 'Thief of Fire' interspersed with dub piano melancholy of 'Savage Sea' - the album beautifully underpinned by Dennis Bovell's production work.


Then came 'We are all Prostitutes' the song that sold thousands and the (bootlegged) t-shirt that sold millions....

They then followed up with a second album 'For show much longer do we tolerate mass murder', an album that was even more political and featured The Last Poets and Mark Springer. An album that was pilloried by the likes of the IPC owned NME but still stands up as a fine piece of work - albeit not quite as remarkable as 'Y'. In amongst all this activity was a formal bootleg LP 'We are Time'... And then came the most joyous slab of Funk to come out of the UK in the 1980's - 'Where there's a will' b/w 'In the beginning there was rhythm' but the equally unconventional and fabulous The Slits.

The first incarnation of The Pop Group played their last gig at the CND march in Trafalgar Square in 1980 in front of half a million people. The gig featured old and new versions of the band and they finished with a version of 'Jerusalem', which to those of us present took on almost magical properties (We having sprinted through traffic whilst 'We are Time' ricocheted around the heart of London). It was a remarkable/shambolic day...

So, why do I wish I'd been in The Pop Group? Well apart from the songs, the free form mindset, the lyrics, the amazing iconography, the willingness to challenge the musical 4/4 status quo of punk (which very quickly simply reverted to rebel posturing, boring guitar solos and appropriating the language of tired old cock rockers), the courage to wear their politics on their (LP) sleeve and the desire to SEEK - they were the most dynamic live act I'd ever seen! 

Postscript.
I was initially concerned that their return in 2011 would tarnish their name. I had no need to fear - live they are still an astonishing proposition and I did finally get to fulfil my ambition at Komedia in Brighton a couple of years ago. Mark Stewart thrust the mic forward for me to sing... 

"Where there's a will, there has got to be a way..."

Excelsior!