Sunday, April 17, 2016

Bands I wish I'd been in #5 - A Certain Ratio

A Certain Ratio (ACR) are a post-punk band formed in 1977 in WythenshaweManchester, England. While originally part of the punk rock movement, they soon added funk and dance elements to their sound. This coincided with super funking drummer Donald Johnson joining. They are sometimes referred to as "post punk funk". The band's name was taken from the lyrics of Brian Eno's song "The True Wheel" from the 1974 album Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy).

The group's longest serving original members are Martin Moscrop (guitar, trumpet), Jez Kerr (bass, vocals) and Donald Johnson (drums, vocals, bass) who joined after the first drummer less single (All Night Party/Thin Boys). Two of the original members subsequently left the band: Simon Topping (left in 1983 for Quando Quango and later joined T-Coy), plus guitarist Peter Terrell, who left in 1982. Keyboardist Andy Connell, who joined in 1982, left to form Swing Out Sister in 1985.
A Certain Ratio's first recording contract was with Factory Records in 1979. They released The Graveyard and The Ballroom only on cassette in 1980. This led them to put out  To Each..., released in 1981. Their first album was blighted by a studio technician who reset all of the panel prior to the final mixdown. The impact of which significantly hindered the final pressing, with the final mix not truly reflecting their new found funky dynamic.
Despite being signed to Factory (and the labels notoriously industrial aesthetic) ACR were heavily influenced by the NYC funk scene. Their sound incorporated latin tinges too. Their magnificent second album Sextet featured NYC vocalist Martha Tilson and captured the funky vibe that To Each... had hinted at.  
This was followed up by I'd like to see you again, the cover of which showed the band in the Hacienda nightclub. The album took the band even further away from the bleaker landscapes of the traditional Factory artists (Joy Division, Section 25, Crispy Ambulance etc). I'd like to see you again was the last album to feature Topping and Terrel.
The second age of ACR is regarded by some as their best. The keyboard work of Andy Connell and sax of Tony Quigley fleshed out their sound. As someone who saw a lot of the band at this time (Lance Corporal Franks of the notorious ACR Barmy Army reporting for funk patrol sah!) their gigs became euphoric events. 
Studio albums Force and Good Together followed (the latter their first for a major label). The album failed to produce a hit, leading to the band's departure from the label, which whilst I'm sure was very frustrating for the band was never important for their fans. In the early 1990s, they signed with Rob's Records, owned by New Order manager Rob Gretton.

The trio of albums they released in the 90's acr:mcr, Up in Downsville and Change the station all hit the spot. With the title track of the second of those albums in particular becoming a firm favourite on the PNUK dancefloor (@ The Foundry, Shoreditch) at the turn of the millennium.
In 1990 Creation Records reissued the albums on CD and in 2002 Soul Jazz Records reissued the albums with bonus tracks (but using the same masters as the Creation editions.) Further re-issues and a live recording from 1980 have also been made available on the LTM label.
A Certain Ratio were initially managed by Tony Wilson. They feature in the film 24 Hour Party People where Tony Wilson (played by Steve Coogan) described them as "having all the energy of Joy Division but better clothes." Martin Moscrop was Musical Supervisor of 24 Hour Party People.

I reckon I must have seen the band over 30 times and from the very first gig at the basement in Brighton to the most recent one in East London they have consistently sent me home happy with their unique mix of Manc samba, punk and fundamentalist funk!

Although the band does not play full-time any more, they continue writing, recording and performing. Jez Kerr has released a thoroughly enjoyable solo album 'Numb Mouth Eat Waste' and it is hoped that the band will follow up their 2008 release Mind Made Up in due course. And if they are looking for a second guitarist to splatter wah wah guitar all over their funk, then I am available!

Personal ACR Top 10

1. Si firmir o grido (Womad festival live version)
2. Knife Slits Water (12")
3. Rialto (Sextet)
4. Sesamo Apriti - Corco Vada (I'd like to see you again)
5. Flight (12")
6. Do the Du (Casse) (12")
7. Brazilia (12")
8. Mello (12")
9  Guess who?  (12")
10. Abracadubra (Sir Horatio 12")


  • The Graveyard and the Ballroom (December 1979) – FACT 16 [cassette] 
  • To Each... (1981) – FACT 35 
  • Sextet (1982) – FACT 55 
  • I'd Like To See You Again (1982) – FACT 65 
  • Force (1986) – FACT 166 
  • Good Together (1989) – A&M ACR 550
  • acr:mcr (1990) – A&M 397 057-2
  • Up In Downsville (1992) – ROB20 
  • Change The Station (1997) – ROB50
  • Mind Made Up (2008) – reissued via LTM (2010)


  • "All Night Party" / "The Thin Boys" 7" – FAC 5
  • "Shack Up" / "And Then Again (live)" 7" – FBN 1
  • "Flight" / "Blown Away" / "And Then Again" 12" – FAC 22
  • "Do The Du (Casse)" / "The Fox" / "Shack Up" / "Son And Heir" 12" – FACUS 4
  • "The Double 12" " (12" 2 x 12", 7 tracks) – FACT 42 – Italian Import inc FAC 22 and FACUS 4
  • "Waterline" / "Funaezekea" 12" – FAC 52
  • "Knife Slits Water" / "Tumba Rumba" 7" – FAC 62-7
  • "Knife Slits Water" / "Kether Hot Knives" 12" – FAC 62-12
  • "Guess Who?" (Parts 1 and 2) 12" – FBN 17
  • "I Need Someone Tonight" / "Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing" 12" – FAC 72-12 (
  • "Life's A Scream" / "There's Only This" 12" – FAC 112
  • "Life's A Scream (Edit)" / "There's Only This (Edit)" 7" – FAC 112P
  • "Brazilia" / "Dub" 12" – FBN 32
  • "Wild Party" / "Sounds Like Something Dirty" 12" – FAC 128
  • "Mickey Way (The Candy Bar)" / "Inside" / "Si Firmi O Grido" 12" – FAC 168
  • "Greetings Four" EP – "The Runner" / "Inside" / "Bootsy" / "Fever 103" (all session versions) 12" – MASO 70004
  • "Bootsy" / "Inside" 7" (Australian only) – FAC 1667
  • "Bootsy (Remix)" / "Mickey Way" 12" (Australian only) – FAC 16612[9]
  • "The Big E" – A&M
  • "Backs to the Wall" / "Backs to the Wall (Dub)" / "Be What You Wanna Be" (ACR version) 12" – ACRY 517
  • "Your Blue Eyes" / "Thin Grey Line" / "Coldest Days" 12" (also on 7") – ACRY 534
  • "Won't Stop Loving You (Bernard Sumner version) / "Repercussions" (ACR remix) / "Love Is The Way" (Instrumental) 12" – ACRY 540 – UK No. 55[7]
  • "Won't Stop Loving You (Bernard Sumner version) / "Won't Stop Loving You (Norman Cook remix) / "Won't Stop Loving You (Cook Instrumental) – ACRY 540 – This was essentially a hurried re-press by A&M in an attempt to push the single up the singles chart (it failed).
  • "Good Together" – EP – A&M 12"
  • "Shack Up (Machine)" / "Shack Up (Man)" / "Shack Up" (Norman Cook remix) / "Party Up" 12" – ACRYDJ 590 – Promo only
  • "The Planet" / "Loosen Up Your Mind" 12" – 12 ROB 2
  • "27 Forever (Bubble Bath Mix)" / "27 Forever (Fix Mix)" (both remixed by Jon Dasilva) 12" – 12 ROB 5R
  • "Mello" / "Dub" / "27 Forever" (Jon Dasilva remix) / "Moist Dub" 12" – 12 ROB 6R
  • "Tekno" / "Tekno" (Way Out West remix) 12" – 12 ROBS 18
  • "Soundstation Volume 2" EP – "Samba 123" (Fila Brazilia remix) / "Yeah Boy" (Sons of Samarkand remix) / "Yeah Boy" (DJ Die) 12" – 12 ROBS 22
  • "Shack Up" / Human League – "Being Boiled" 12" – SJR 57-12 (Soul Jazz Records)

Compilations and live albums[edit]

  • A Certain Ratio Live in America (Live Album, 1985) – DOJO 47 (Castle Communications)
  • The Old and the New (Singles Compilation, 1986) – FACT 135
  • Looking for a Certain Ratio (Remixes, 1994) – CRE159B
  • Early (2002) – SJR60 (Soul Jazz Records)
  • Live in Groningen (2005) – LTM 2443

Thanks to Wikipedia for discography!

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Marmite v Vegemite

Ok, I've been putting this off for far too long now. Having been behind enemy lines for nearly 10 years I think the time has come to answer the question that has been on everyone's lips for a lifetime. Which is better? Marmite (stalwart English breakfast staple) or Vegemite (Aussie alternative)? I have also included Marmite XO in this crucial battle, not least because it tastes like Marmite used to taste!

Taste Test #1 - Straight out of the jar
Marmite 1
Marmite XO 2
Vegemite 3

Taste Test #2 - On bread & butter
Marmite 2
Marmite XO 1
Vegemite 3

Taste Test #1 - On toast
Marmite 2
Marmite XO 1
Vegemite 3

Taste Test #1 - On toast with Avocado
Marmite 2
Marmite XO 3
Vegemite 1

The results are in.

Marmite & Marmite XO 1
Vegemite 3

And so, there we have it. Categoric proof!!!

The Ruling Elite

I've missed them you know. I've missed the arrogance, the ignorance, the superior nature, the supercilious tone, the blinding pomposity. But they are back, boy are they back with knobs on. From Cameron's off-shore cover story, via Boris channelling Trump to poverty stricken 'underachievers'. The gloves are well and truly off.

The Spartacus Hour is coming...

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Seafront bus shelter poets

Huddled Marlboro warm
Tennents Super soaked
buried winter deep
in the seafront mire

waiting for the number 3
that left Cherry Gardens
a long time ago...

Thursday, October 22, 2015

The Fall

The first time I heard them was on 'City Hobgoblins', the b-Side of 'How I wrote Elastic Man'. I can't recall how come I'd managed to by the single in the first place. It must (almost certainly) have been via John Peel.

Spiders know these things 
Gremlins know these things
Tap, tap, tap, tap
You think it's the pipes
But who turns on the lights?
Our city hobgoblins
Our city hobgoblins
Ubu le Roi is a home hobgoblin 
And at nights all ready
Our city hobgoblins
Our city hobgoblins
Infest my home at night
They are not alright
Ten times my age
One-tenth my height
Our city hobgoblins
Our city hobgoblins
Buzz of the all-night mill
Ah but evil
Emigres from old green glades
Pretentious, eh?
Our city hobgoblins
Our city hobgoblins
They'll get yer
So Queen Victoria
Is a large black slug in Piccadilly, Manchester
Our city hobgoblins
Our city hobgoblins
And they say
We cannot walk the floor at night in peace
At night in peace

They have been a part of my life ever since then. On and off, off and on. For a fortnight once a year, every year, I only listen to The Fall. Friends, family and neighbours know to give me a wide berth during those two particular weeks.

I own pretty much every studio album they've made (and they have made a hell of a lot). I've seen them live a few times. In fact they've played twice in Sydney in the last 18 months and... This is the point I suppose I'm trying to make. I am worried, I'm always worried...

The Fall played at the Metro Theatre here in Sydney on Wednesday night and the core band were great. Greenway is a brilliant guitarist and the rhythm section are astonishing. Elena on keyboards took her coat on and off a few times, played a few neat riffs but was so low in the mix. However, that all paled behind my concern over Mark E Smith. Of course I know better than to expect, "and here's the title track off our latest LP" etc but he just seemed so utterly shot. I hope it was a combination of jet lag and one lager shandy too many but I suspect not.

But anyway...

It was unforgettable all the same.

No Respects / Venice with the Girls / I'm Not from Bury / Wise Old Man / Dedication Not Medication / First One Today / Hittite Man > Junger Cloth / Pledge // Theme from Sparta F.C. // Auto Chip 2014-2016 // I've Been Duped (w/o MES)

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Thursday, October 8, 2015


There was a day, a night, a week, a month, when sobriety stalked the highways and byways of the land. Nobody knew who he was or where he came from. But they were grateful for the blessed relief he brought with him.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Flashback #1 - The best of the Crouch End Tiger

Lunchtime in Frankfurt, leaning gently into a second bottle of crispy white. The old town streets full of Mexican families lapping up the sun, Paraguayan supporters demolishing the biggest pile of chips that you ever did see and English fans scurrying from bar to bar determined to drink another German city dry.

This is the World Cup Semi-Final day and 8 hours from kick-off and the tension is starting to build. Guido, the Italian waiter mutters "Forza Italia" under his breath at every opportunity, whilst Hans his boss urges us to support the hosts. Tiger feigns impartiality with the dreaded words "We are just fans of World football mate!". Both seem happy as Tiger discharges the remnants of the last glass of the third bottle of a cheeky little Chablis and head back. In the car bets are taken.

At the Hotel one of our party is missing, confined to his bed with little more than a wet flannel to save him from a raging fever. Sympathy abounds, our taxi awaits and with Mehmet (Turkeys first ever GP driver) at the wheel, we're off! Dortmund here we come!!

Ten minutes later, allowing for a couple of wrong turns (Mehmet's Co-pilot was not the smartest of chaps), we arrive. The Co-pilot pays the man and then spends four hours haggling over where to meet after the match. Whilst this great meeting of minds takes place, Tiger takes in the moment. The stadium surrounds are awash with thousands of home fans enveloped in newly liberated Bundesflagge. Pockets of Azzurri survey the scene like a fox outside the chicken run. A smattering of delightfully trollied sons of Albion weave their way through the crowds like Peter Crouch through a Brazilian defence (i.e. barging straight through, falling over and being stared at in utter disbelief).

It has to be said that Tiger is not a complete stranger to the world of corporate entertainment. However, even Tiger was staggered at the oppulence of the FIFA corporate village (more like a futuristic space settlement). Is a jacuzzi really necessary? Does every discerning footie fan really need a casino on site? As for full scale flight simulators, well we ask you? Despite all of this frippery, they did serve a fine array of food and more essentially the WW oppoprtunities were plentiful.

After a swift replenishment. Into the impressively long-named stadium and to our seats, which we proceed to stand on for the whole 120 minutes. From kick-off to final whistle the quality of the football is astounding. No aimless hoofing to the 'big fella up front', no misplaced passes or bad first touches. Just quality control, intelligent running and beautifully finessed passing and probing attacks. All at extreme pace. It was a display of real verve and style by both sides and the referee was even better! Ballack (supposedly unfit and slated by the press) gliding between his own defence and the Italian back four prompting the Germans forward. Whilst in response the Azzurri were driven on by the gutsy Gattuso and the peerless priceless Pirlo (Gawd bless ya Mr Keating!).

Penalties looming and a frenzied Italian surge leading to the sublime moment. Lehmann (of the big hands, big head and big ego) kept his team in it until the moment that silences the length and breadth of Deutschland. Fabio Grosso curled a wonderful shot around the outstretched grasp of the despairing Gooner. Cue large scale in-take of breath in the stadium and a small scale explosion of delight in block 2, row 7 seat 136. The true blue colours of the Crouch End Ultra exploded in delirium. "You're not singing anymore...", "I'm going home in a German ambulance", "Come on you Blues" all muttered underneath the breath a la Guido. The Routemaster goal (i.e. wait ages and two come at once - I refuse to call it The BendyBus goal) is driven home by Del Piero. The Italians go wild, the Germans go home and Tiger goes back to the bar .

Following much post match analysis, the handing over of many Euros to the Ultra and a smattering of crispies. We depart to find Mehmet (who is fresh from breaking the Frankfurt-Dortmund land speed record). Despite the fine endeavours of the Co-Pilot, Mehmet is missing, presumably negotiating his next Indy 500 drive. Tiger retires to a Budweiser sponsors party - Well, to tell the truth, Tiger distracted two of the surly bouncer chappies, diverted attention as the team plunged into the midst of the wake. After a couple of Budweisers the need for an alcoholic drink came on strong. Fortunately, Mehmet arrived and before we'd done our seatbelts up we are back in the relative safety of our hotel bar. One more for the Strasse and then off to bed.

Tomorrow has already begun. The sun is already starting to peer round the corners of the curtains in the spartan bedroom. Sitting on the bed Tiger nurses a gentle Italian whilst trying to work out how to get BBC 24 on the tv. All these subtitles are ruining the plot. What a day, what a night, what a match. What on earth are we going to do with the dead body in room 512?

Thursday, September 24, 2015

About the Young Idea

I was delighted to be back, albeit briefly, in London and even more delighted to be able to pop into Somerset House to see the 'About the young idea exhibition' which chartered the rise, fall, rise and ultimate end of The Jam.

From the first glimpse of the stage set (Bingley Hall) to the dazzling array of Rickenbackers, posters, stage clothes etc I was transported back to the days that three blokes from Woking defined a way, a look, an attitude for a generation.

Life is timeless, days are long when you're youngUsed to fall in love with everyone, any guitar and any bass drum...

Saturday, June 13, 2015

TTIMAE - Favourite Football XI

Over the next twelve months we are running a vote for our favourite football players. Starting with our favourite goalkeeper. Please vote on the panel to the right to register your favourite all time 'keeper!

Poll Results - Bands you'd like to reform

1. The Smiths
2. The Jam
3. The Clash (?)
4. Haircut 100
5. The Style Council
6. Oasis

Friday, June 12, 2015

Corner Shop Credit

'Times were so tough, but not as tough as they are now' (Thick as thieves - The Jam).

Dark in the heart of the Thatcher years when the dole was being cut, jobs were hard to come by and the quaint notion of ' Forced Austerity' hadn't been so daintily articulated, times were tough too. £35 to last 2 weeks just wasn't going to happen. Of course cash in hand jobs were taken, deals were done and various nefarious took place!

The only problem then was cashflow. The banks were too rigid and the family was too disappointed to send forth aid (other than the use of the washing machine). So, apart from splitting dole cheques to help budget, the largesse of the local corner shop was the sole means by which people could keep their head above water. The steady supply of Sunblest, anchor butter, newspapers and Marlboro lights was only sustained by the corner shop. Goodness only knows how much money they lost but without them so much more could have been lost....

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Albums no self-respecting gentlemen should own #1 - Bruce Springsteen 'Darkness on the edge of town'

It is 1978, English music has just experienced a schism unlike anything since the Trad v Modernist Jazz wars of the early 60's. On the one hand were the long-haired flare wearing prog championing sixth formers who were still desperately clinging to the crushing tedium of triple album concept artists and the namby-pamby nonsense of 'musicianship'. On the other were the snotty nosed third years whose only desire was to hear songs with swear words in that didn't last more than 2 mins 30 seconds. 

By now The Sex Pistols had been ripped apart, The Clash were navigating their way past their stodgy second album and The Jam had finally found the direction/action/creation they'd been striving for since Weller first heard 'My Generation'. 

Into this mix of discomfort came the lumpen bleatings of a true (according to his fans) blood and guts performer from New Jeresy, namely Mr Bruce Springsteen. Dressed like a cutting room floor reject from Starsky & Hutch. Springsteen shed a touch of 'real(!) realism' with his breakthrough album 'Darkness on the edge of town'. It was touted as true blue collar rock and roll, the middle way through the path of decimation left by the warring Punk & Rawk factions. 

In reality it was (and still unsurprisingly is) one of the most tepid 'significant' albums of the last century. The bag of a fag packet portraits of real life only ever appealed to the emotionally limited grammar school suburbanites who associated everything American as being real and everything else as being somehow substandard. The music was/is truly dull. Springsteen's muscular (read clumsy) approach was justified by the fact that he could play four hour sets. Four hours of the same song. God give me strength! 

In short, 'Darkness on the edge of town' is an over-hyped and under-powered collection of average songs by a distinctly average musician. He may well be a nice bloke but quite frankly who cares.

This album has no place in your record collection!

Johnny Langney - Feb 2015

Thursday, January 29, 2015

When the Labour Party stood for something of substance...

“At a certain point in their historical lives, social classes become detached from their traditional parties … The particular men who constitute, represent, and lead them, are no longer recognised by their class (or fraction of a class) as its expression.” 

- Antonio Gramsci

Just sayin' 

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Moments in Love #4

West End Pub. Buddhist retreat. A day drenched in Sunshine. A night soaked in Champagne...

Monday, March 24, 2014

Moments in love #2

Pillows and cushions on the lounge floor. A movie plays. All the action is off screen.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Moments in love #1

Sitting in Macari's 7:00am. One cup of tea to share. One cigarette to smoke. One thought on my mind.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Monday, February 10, 2014

Rainy Sundays

Waking up late to the smell of slightly burnt toast. It is raining outside. Move seamlessly from breakfast to lunch in the time it takes to read the sports sections of the broadsheets. It is raining outside. Bubble & Squeak and mint sauce. Batman, The Big Match. It is raining outside. Light fading. 633 Squadron. It is raining outside. More toast for tea. It is raining outside. Radio Luxembourg 'Street Sounds'. It is raining outside. Back in bed... It is still raining outside.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Rain stopped play

Sitting in the pavilion watching the rain sheet down, cutting the square off. Waiting for the umpire to abandon the game and for the celebrations to begin!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Let's all speak palare

I've recently been reading a number of works by the magnificent English poet/writer Jeremy Reed and combined with a recent spell of listening to Julian and Sandy's exploits on 'Round the Horne', I've  been finding Palare creeping back into my lexicon.

According to Wikipedia Palare (or alternatively ParlareParlaryPaloriPalariePalari; from Italian parlare, "to talk") is a form of cant slang used in Britain by actors, circus and fairground showmen, merchant navy sailors, criminals, prostitutes and the gay subculture. It was popularised in the 1960s by camp characters Julian and Sandy in the popular BBC radio show Round the Horne.  There is some debate about its origins, but it can be traced back to at least the 19th century and possibly the 16th century. There is a longstanding connection with Punch and Judy street puppet performers who traditionally used Polari to converse

Be that as it may, here are some bona palare phrases for your perusal...

ajaxnearby (from adjacent?)
alamohot for you/him
aunt nelllisten, hear
aunt nellsears
aunt nelly fakesearrings
aunt nell danglersearrings
barneya fight
basketthe bulge of male genitals through clothes
bitcheffeminate or passive gay man
bijousmall/little (means "jewel" in French)
blagpick up
bluecode word for "homosexual"
bona nochygoodnight (from Italian - buona notte)
bonaroowonderful, excellent
bungerypub, this comes from the English word for the closure on a barrel.
butchmasculine; masculine lesbian
buvarea drink (from Italian - bere or old-fashioned Italian - bevere or Lingua Francabevire)
campeffeminate (possibly from Italian campare "exaggerate, make stand out")
capello/capellahat (from Italian - cappello)
carseytoilet, also spelt khazi
carts/cartsopenis (from Italian - cazzo)
charperto search (from Italian - acchiappare - to catch)
charpering omipoliceman
charverto shag/a shag (sexual intercourse) (from Italian - chiavare)
chickenyoung man
codnaff, vile
cottagea public lavatory used for sexual encounters
cottagingseeking or obtaining sexual encounters in public lavatories
dallysweet, kind. Possibly an alternate pronunciation of dolly.
dilly boya male prostitute
dinarimoney (Latin denarii was the 'd' of the pre decimal penny)
dollypretty, nice, pleasant
donawoman (perhaps from Italian donna or Lingua Franca dona)
dorcasterm of endearment, 'one who cares'. The Dorcas Society was a ladies' church association of the nineteenth century, which made clothes for the poor.
dragclothes, esp. women's clothes (prob from Romani — indraka — skirt; also possibly from German - tragen - v. to wear (clothes))
ecafface (backslang)
eekface (abbreviation of ecaf)
esongnose (backslang)
feele/freely/fillychild/young (from the Italian figlio, for son)
geltmoney (Yiddish)
HP (homy polone)effeminate gay man
jarryfood, also mangarie (from Italian mangiare or Lingua Franca mangiaria)
khazitoilet, also spelt carsey
lallies (lylies)legs
lallie tappersfeet
latty/lattieroom, house or flat
lillypolice (Lilly Law)
lyleslegs (prob. from "Lisle stockings")
luppersfingers (Yiddish — lapa — paw)
mangariefood, also jarry (from Italian mangiare or Lingua Franca mangiaria)
meeseplain, ugly (from Yiddish "meeiskeit, in turn from Hebrew מָאוּס repulsive, loathsome, despicable, abominable)
meshigenernutty, crazy, mental (from Yiddish, in turn from Hebrew מְשֻׁגָּע crazy)
metzasmoney (Italian -mezzi "means, wherewithal")
mincewalk (affectedly)
naffawful, dull, hetero
nantinot, no, none (Italian — niente)
national handbagdole, welfare, government financial assistance
oglelook, admire
omiman (from Romance)
omi-paloneeffeminate man, or homosexual
onknose (cf "conk")
palare pipetelephone ("talk pipe")
park, parkergive
platefeet; to fellate
palonewoman (Italian paglione - "straw mattress", [viz. old Cant "hay-bag" = woman])
remouldsex change
riah/rihahair (backslang)
riah zhoosherhairdresser
rough tradea working class or blue collar sex partner or potential sex partner; a tough, thuggish or potentially violent sex partner
scarperto run off (from Italian scappare, to escape or run away or from rhyming slang Scapa Flow, to go)
scotchleg (scotch egg=leg)
screechmouth, speak
sharpypoliceman (from — charpering omi)
sharpy polonepolicewoman
shushsteal (from client)
shush baghold-all
shyker/shycklewig (mutation of the Yiddish sheitel)
sohomosexual (e.g. "Is he 'so'?")
stimpcoversstockings, hosiery
toberroad (a Shelta word, Irish bóthar)
todd (Sloanne)alone
tootsie tradesex between two passive homosexuals (as in: 'I don't do tootsie trade')
tradesex, sex-partner, potential sex-partner
trollto walk about (esp. looking for trade)
vada/varderto see (from Italian — dialect vardare = guardare - look at)
vardered — vardering
vera (lynn)gin
voguecigarette (from Lingua Franca — fogus - "fire, smoke")
vogueressfemale smoker
yews(from French "yeux") eyes
zhooshstyle hair, tart up, mince
(Romani - "zhouzho" - clean, neat)

zhoosh our riah — style our hair

Polari Omies and palones of the jury, vada well at the eek of the poor ome who stands before you, his lallies trembling.—taken from "Bona Law", a Round The Horne sketch written by Barry Took and Marty Feldman