All the news with the truth taken out, right here, right now!
Chelsea are attempting to stage a massive transfer coup with a dramatic £50m bid for Liverpool striker Fernando Torres.
Truth rating - 100%
Tottenham are ready to make a second bid to snatch Everton skipper Phil Neville before Monday's transfer deadline. They have parked an unmarked van outside Everton's training ground and hope to distract him with one of those pens with a girl and a bikini that disappears when you tilt it upside down!
Truth rating - 42.5%
Days after inspiring Birmingham City to a place in the Carling Cup final, striker Nikola Zigic could be about to go on loan to Aston Villa.
Truth rating - 0.2%
Meanwhile, Birmingham are making a £2.5m bid for Aston Villa central defender Curtis Davies after ruling out offloading winger Sebastian Larsson in a player-plus cash swap deal. they have also put in a bid for Gerard Houllier as a back up for their reserve team coach Tony Hadley (former lead singer in Spandau Ballet).
Truth rating - 94%
Sunderland have turned their attention to New Zealand Rugby Union Star/Boxer/former Rugby League player, Sonny Bill Williams as they look to replace Darren Bent. SBW's representatives are said to be very interested in a lucrative signing on fee.
Truth rating - 5%
Fulham are looking to buy Spurs midfielder Nico Kranjcar after a deal to buy winger Shaun Wright-Phillips from Manchester City falls through. Mark Hughes said "Nico scores quite highly in Scrabble even against SWP, so we'll look to get him on the board."
Truth rating - 20%
Brazilian forward Lucas Piazon has turned down a move to Chelsea in favour of Juventus. Which is funny because Chelsea have never even heard of him.
Truth rating - 20%
ELSEWHERE IN OTHER GOSSIP
Manchester United could be looking to Lyon's French international goalkeeper Monsieur Hulot as a long-term replacement for Edwin van der Sar, who will retire at the end of the season.
Truth rating - 34%
Blackpool chairman Karl Oyston has told the Premier League: "Maybe you should pick our team," after the club are fined £25,00 for fielding a weakened side. However, given the Premier League's track record Oyston might be better off inviting people who know something about football.
Truth rating - 34%
Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard says Kenny Dalglish has got the Reds winning again by putting a smile back on the players' faces. "The Gaffa does a cracking impersonation of Smithy out of Gavin & Stacey, he has us in stitches like".
Truth rating - 98%
Currently out of work former Fulham boss Chris Coleman believes the return to action of striker Bobby Zamora and forward Moussa Dembele can lift the club up the table. He also believes that the Pope might be a Roman Catholic and that Bears are fond of wood based toilet facilties.
Truth rating - 6%
Midfielder Jack Wilshere was last night told he represents "the future" of England as manager Fabio Capello revealed his new tactical masterplan is based on the Arsenal teenager.
Truth rating - 5%
AND FINALLY
In response to Qatar based TV channel Al Jazeera expressing interest in wanting to snap up former Sky Sports football presenters Richard Keys and Andy Gray. Shameless rumours that Al Qaeda have also expressed a desire to meet with the two pundits to share their views on women's role in the game are absolutely untrue.
Truth rating - 100%
Friday 28 January 2011
Tuesday 25 January 2011
The Premier League Transfer Window - Latest news
The stuff, the nonsense, the hue & cry, the complete and utter non-sensical bladerdash of the English Transfer window - I love it!
LATEST BREAKING PREMIER LEAGUE TRANSFER GOSSIP...
Chelsea defender Alex could depart Stamford Bridge for AC Milan as the Londoners step up their bid to sign Benfica centre-back David Luiz. But then again he may not! Remember where you read it first!!!
Liverpool's bid to sign striker Luis Suarez from Ajax has broken down, according to reports from a couple out shopping somewhere in the Netherlands. Mrs Kuyt said "For sure he is having the second thoughts. Also why do Liverpool need another striker when Dirk is already there?"
Remember where you read it first!!!
Valon Behrami's future at West Ham Utd of Glasgow will become clearer in the next 48 hours after the Swiss international landed in Italy on Monday to undergo a medical at Fiorentina for his proposed move to Panathanaikos in Russia.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Wolfsburg manager Steve McClaren has offered £16m for Liverpool's Milan Jovanovic. Is he MAD!!!
Remember where you read it first!!!
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has confirmed that the club will make an offer for Lille's Eddie Izzard.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Under-pressure Birmingham boss Alex McLeish is set to step up his pursuit of Cardiff striker Jay Bothroyd this week. He has promised beleagured Blues fans that he will start hiding out round the bins at the back of Boothroyd's flat.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Arsenal's Carlos Valderrama is on the verge of joining Valencia after a deal was agreed in London last week, according to reports in Spain. The 42 year old has been languishing in the Arsenal reserves after Wenger allegedly won him in a game of cards.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Everton manager David Moyes has played down speculations linking midfielder Jack Rodwell with a move to Old Trafford. "The fact that Jack Rodwell has undertaken a medical, signed a contract at Old Trafford and played in a behind closed doors fixture for United yesterday proves his commitment to Everton Football Club", the much maligned manager was alleged to have said.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Just days after landing Steven Pienaar, Spurs are looking to continue their raid on Everton by preparing a fresh bid for captain Phil Neville and offload Pienaar to West Ham in exchange for Scott Parker, Carlton Cole and the Olympic Stadium.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Real Madrid's attempts to lure former Manchester United striker Ruud van Nistelrooy back to the Bernabeu have been knocked back by Hamburg, Tottenham Hotspur, Borussia Dortmund & Bayern Munich.
Remember where you read it first!!!
West Ham hope to sign controversial Blackburn striker El Hadji Diouf before the end of the transfer window. Tottenham however, look set to pip the Hammers to his signature
Remember where you read it first!!!
Inter Milan director Marco Branca has revealed that Sevilla striker and long-standing Tottenham target Luis Fabiano could join the Nerazzurri. However, Harry Redknapp reckons that the player is on his way to White Hart Lane.
Remember where you read it first!!!
Tottenham to sign Pele, Cruyff & Maradonna! Tottenham's frugal manager Mr Harry Redknapp has been overheard by some close friends of some insiders at Spurs to be interested in signing three of football's all time greats. A source said, "Harry is a naturally reluctant trader in the transfer market but this time he seems determined to make a big splash for the benefit of the team. It is most definitely not a cheap publicity stunt".
Jingly-jangly Guitar Pop
Where to begin, where to end? Orange Juice, Josef K, Aztec Camera, The Fire Engines, Haircut 100, Belle & Sebastian, The Coral, The Sand Band and all of those wonderful floppy fringed, trite, twee, innocent, big semi-acoustic playing, stout country brogue wearing,check-shirted C86 bands in between.
Sunday 23 January 2011
Friday 7 January 2011
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