I had the good fortune to be at Wembley a couple of weeks ago and whilst it was a pleasure to see the mighty Chelsea vanquish Everton I was quite disappointed at the general level of crowd humour. It struck me that some chants and crowd reactions are getting a little bit tired.
Some examples of which are:
A Chelsea player falls over, cue Northern teams mass chants of
"Chelsea Rent Boy, Chelsea Rent boy"
Everton player falls over, cue
"Cheating Northern Bastard"
Everton fans start singing, cue
"In your Liverpool slums, you look in a dustbin for something to eat. You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat... Etc"
Everton player disuptes with referee, cue
"Calm down, calm down" in comical Harry Enfield scouser manner
Other teams responses are equally tired and laboured
Arsene Wenger gets up from the bench, cue
"Only one Arsene Wenger, with a packet of sweets and a cheeky smikle, Wenger is a f***in' paedophile"
Jose Mourinho gets up from the bench, cue Man City fans
"That coats from Matalan, that coats from Matalan..."
Actually that was bloody funny when they did it - the first time.
As for Chelsea's response to the god awful dirge "Liverpool, Liverpool" it doesn't bear repeating. Also Liverpool's songs about Busby Babes, United songs about Matthew Harding and Leeds United's songs about anyone
Although their song about "Cockney fan he is dead, escalator on his head..." is so surreal that it passed off with nothing more than a bemused shrug by most West Ham fans.
Top five favourite football banalities include:
"Yoooooooooooouuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeee Shhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttaaaaaagh"
"Who's the Wanker in the black"
"She fell over, she fell over"
"My old man said be a Palace fan, I said f**k off b*ll*cks you're a ***t"
"Score in a brothel, you couldn't score in a brothel"
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